The Grace of Hard Beginnings

Daniel and I discussed it before we got married, maybe even before we’d officially decided to get married. Both of us wanted a big family (at least by modern standards – Daniel wasn’t nearly as ambitious as I before I became his THE ONE), and we both knew we wanted to build our family biologically AND through adoption. Little did we know how difficult either of those desires would be.

My mom had uncomplicated pregnancies, multiple home births. I expected that would be my story as well. But then I developed severe preeclampsia at 30 weeks with my first baby.

And my first babies were all rough sleepers. And some among our first have had learning disabilities. And all of them are what the psychologists call “strong-willed.”

We had a hard beginning to the starting of our family. A hard enough beginning that many expected us to stop after one or two.

But I had discovered that difficult doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. God had used and still is using our difficulties around pregnancy and parenting to teach me dependence on Christ and to sanctify me into his image. He used and is using my children to expose sin and to call me to greater righteousness.

And when the time came for us to start parenting children from hard places, we were able to take in stride a lot of the difficulties that throw other foster parents or potential adoptive parents for a loop. Yes, fostering and adopting is still different, but it hasn’t (for us) been significantly harder than parenting our biological children.

I have always considered the difficulty worth it. After all, these are children, persons made in the image of God! Any amount of difficulty can be borne for the privilege of shepherding these precious, priceless people.

With our seven precious absolutely-worth-it children.

But while I’ve considered it worth it, and have been thankful for the spiritual growth I’ve experienced through the process of pregnancy and parenting, fostering and adopting, I’d not understood the great grace of having a hard beginning.

You see, after eight pregnancies (all hard in their own ways) and parenting nine children (5 biological, 4 foster), I ended up with the elusive (to me) “good baby”. Moriah has been sleeping a five-hour stretch each night since she was 6 weeks old. I’ve never been able to expect a five-hour stretch until at least 9 months.

And now I realize that if I’d have had this easy a time with my first, I’d have quit after the first hard one. After any of the rest of my children. Every other child would have seemed too hard. Fostering would have seemed an impossibility. Adopting? So much for that desire.

But God granted me the grace of hard beginnings, and waited until we already knew we were ready to finish our family before he gave me an easy child.

Praise God for his grace in giving us the privilege of raising these 7 precious children (and the three he allowed us to parent for only a time.) Praise God for his grace in keeping any of our children from being “the one that broke the family.” Praise God for the grace of hard beginnings.


**Of course, Moriah is only four months, so whether she remains “easy” remains to be seen. Certainly, the postpartum preeclampsia I experienced with her and her early difficulties with weight gain were not particularly easy – nonetheless, the overall experience with her thus far has been nothing like the “deep end” God graciously threw us into with our first pregnancy and several of the others, teaching us to cling closely to him as our life preserver.


Many birds with one stone

We’re gearing up to start our school year this next Monday, which means I’m busy finishing up the great school-supply reset. I’ve been going through the house and collecting all the school- and office-related detritus and attempting to sort it all back to where it belongs.

I’ve just been throwing caps onto markers willy-nilly and stuffing them into a can – but today was the day to go through them all and see if they actually write.

Several dozen didn’t. But since the kids were clamoring to paint, I decided to try an experiment. I had the kids sort the spent markers by color and we stuck the tips in water in baby food jars for a half hour. Not-quite-instant watercolors!

We painted at least one page per person before lunch, at which point there was still plenty of “paint” left. So I pulled out the rice that’s been sitting on the kitchen counter for an embarrassing length of time after the girls stuck their unwashed hands in it while making rice bags (so I didn’t want us to eat it!) A cup of rice in a jar plus what was left of the most brilliant paints (blue, orange, black, and brown were standout favorites). Shake, shake, shake and dump onto a dehydrator tray to stick in the dehydrator along with a batch of yogurt.

I still had dye left so I went hunting for more ways to use it up. Here, I have some orzo in the cupboard from a recipe I tried years ago and some macaroni from when the neighbor was cleaning out her pantry. Shake, shake, shake.

Colored orzo in foreground with breastmilk storage shakers in background

Once the rice and pasta were all dry (much more quickly than I expected), I poured them into old two and four ounce breastmilk bottles acrued while we had little ones in the NICU. Now that Moriah’s here and it’s clear I’m not needing to pump, I can get rid of my surplus. I already gave 60 to our preschool program director at church to make rhythm shakers for preschool music – but I’ve still got several dozen and my own preschoolers could use some shakers for school this year.

Because I’m going to be doing preschool with three this year. Reuel and Shiloh are clearly ready for pre-K, but now that Frank is finally starting to talk he’s also demonstrating that he’d really like to join in with school too – at the very least, with the songs and finger plays and rhymes.

So there we have it. I’m not sure exactly how many birds that is, but we got a lot accomplished out of figuring out which markers were still usable today. Painting with the children. Making shakers for preschool. Using up some loose pantry items. Using up some leftover breastmilk storage containers. And, turns out, about a half dozen of the markers revived after soaking (all half dozen were thick tip Crayolas) and were able to return to use.

Hooray for a productive day!


What kind of Clutterbug are you?

Cassandra Aarsen’s The Clutter Connection makes a bold claim: that all people fit into one of four clutter categories based on their preferences around the visibility of their organization system and the degree of organization within their system.

“Butterflies” prefer visual abundance and organizational simplicity. They need big, visible, easy-to-access containers that make it easy to toss something back where it belongs (even if it’ll take some extra time to dig around for the specific battery they need.)

“Bees” prefer visual abundance AND organizational abundance. They like to see their stuff, but they also like to micro-sort it into dozens or hundreds of categories.

“Ladybugs” prefer visual and organizational simplicity. They want things out of sight but have little patience for maintaining detailed systems.

“Crickets”, on the other hand, prefer visual simplicity and organizational abundance. They want things neatly filed out of sight into complex organizational schemes.

Okay, sure, you may be saying. Everyone has different preferences. So what?

Well, if the best organizing system is the one you’ll actually use… then knowing your type and that of the members of your household can be helpful.

And that’s the real strength of this book. Aarsen gives lots of tips for how to help the clutterbugs in your life keep on top of their stuff. Perhaps the most helpful tip for those of us in a huge household is to defer to visual abundance and organizational simplicity. It’s easier for a lover of visual simplicity to hang jackets on a coat rack than to get a lover of visual abundance to open the closet, get out a hanger, and hang up their coat. An abundant organizer can create an “inbox” for broad categories so that the simple organizer can toss items in – the abundant organizer can always micro-organize later.

I took Aarsen’s quiz and discovered that nearly every question slotted me neatly into the “visual abundance, organizational abundance” category. I didn’t pay any attention to which bug that was – which meant I was sure her quiz had gotten me wrong when she started describing the “bee”. It fit me to a T! Silly me for not paying attention to the moniker – I’m a total bee.

As is Daniel. Our kids, on the other hand? At least one is definitely a butterfly – and probably a whole lot more than one. We need to simplify our organizational systems wherever the children interface with them. And we need to have less stuff. Sigh.

All in all, I found Aarsen’s book to be an enjoyable and thought-provoking listen as I’ve been sorting through seemingly endless boxes of loose parts. Whether the insight I’ve gained will be able to help keep those loose parts from finding a place back in a random box? That remains to be seen.


What I do for myself

Eloise Rickman, in her book Extraordinary Parenting, writes of asking mothers what they do for themselves only to meet blank stares. Many mothers don’t do anything for themselves.

I had to stop the audiobook to clarify to Beth-Ellen, who was folding laundry alongside me, that I was not one of those women. I am no martyr. I do things for myself all day long.

I make my bed when I wake up and delight in the beauty of the quilt my mother made us or the one I made myself.

I copy out a passage of Scripture, slowly working my way through a text.

I cuddle with one of my little ones as they slowly wake up.

I peer out the window at the newest visitor to our bird feeder, trying to memorize its features so I can look it up later (if I don’t know its identity) or pointing out its various features to my children if I do know something about it.

I memorize passages of Scripture and sing hymns with my children during our morning worship.

I grub about in one of my many beds of native plants when I step outside to call the kids in or to get the mail or to empty the compost pail.

I read The Story of the World and Hans Christian Anderson during “together time.” I read poems, old and new. I learn the names of the clouds with my children and what weather each type of clouds portends.

I take long baths while reading up on whatever my current pet topic is.

I dream up and research out the next garden bed and then work to implement it.

I plan the next year’s school curriculum and delight in thinking of the next subjects my children and I will deep dive into together.

I sketch ideas for the next Easter or Christmas outfits and then comb through the patterns I have and what free patterns I can find to approximate the vision I have in my head. I dig through my fabric collection and delight in not spending anything, except joyful time sewing, on my kids’ festival clothing.

I make cut-up cakes for my kids’ birthdays, with each opening of the Twizzler bag bringing back fond memories of the cakes my grandma made me.

I do these things for myself day in and day out. Just because I also do them with or for others does not make them any less for me.

Sometimes, my family and I drink deeply together of life-giving water. Other times, I pour out and find myself all the more enriched for having used the things I delight in to serve my family.

Truly, I lead a rich and fulfilling life.


4 Things to Do When You’re Stressed

I had a headache today as I was trying to get a whole lot of Christmas preparations done while simultaneously trying to play a game the kids wanted me to play with them (note to self: trying to multitask when one of the tasks is “play a board game with the kids” is only going to result in frustration.)

Anyway, I was getting frustrated and stressed and overstimulated.

Tirzah Mae's list of things to do when I'm stressed
Tirzah Mae’s list of things to do when I’m stressed

Tirzah Mae got out a dry erase marker and wrote up a nice list of things I can do when I’m stressed :

  1. Take a deep breath
  2. Take a time out
  3. Stop, look around. What is helpful for you?
  4. Read your favorite book

It’s a very nice list, and definitely worth trying next time I’m stressed.


My Girls are Potty Training

ALDI had Cocomelon underpants on their ALDI finds aisle, and I bought some (who am I? I don’t buy branded stuff! But, alas, I am growing soft in my advanced age as I realize my time with little-littles is nearing its end.)

My guess that this might motivate Shiloh to try potty training was absolutely correct. She eagerly put them on and set off to run, run, run to the potty, aided by big sister Beth-Ellen. Beth-Ellen was quick with the hands-on part of training – grabbing Shiloh’s hand and running with her, noticing if it had been been a while since she’d been potty and asking her if she needed to now, and helping Shiloh fold her new underpants and put them away.

Beth-Ellen wanted me to get out the little blue potty and to turn on the Daniel Tiger potty episode, but I declined. Shiloh is proficient with climbing on the big potty seat and using the fold down little hole. And I still don’t watch TV with the kids except in dire circumstances (Shiloh knows Cocomelon from Saturday morning cartoons with papa – not because *I* show the kids shows!)

Tirzah Mae helped in her own way, sitting down with paper and pen to devise a potty-training program complete with an elaborate tracking and rewards chart.

I told Daniel about the girls’ potty training project last night and he just had to laugh (especially about the potty training program!) “They’re *your* daughters!” he said.

Why, yes, yes they are!


Sensory Delights

There was something stinky in the kitchen trash, but kids were already sitting down for breakfast and I wasn’t wearing shoes to take it out, so we opted to diffuse some essential oils to mask the smell.

It being fall (at last!), we decided to try some fall scents – and arrived at a blend that delighted us all day long.

See my diffuser there? I’m no essential oil enthusiast (MLM + uber-questionable health advice = Rebekah’s not a fan) but I’m allergic to a lot of fragrances, so blending my own smells lets me screen out the stuff that gives me sneezes!

I liked it so much, I put it in again today just for the joy of it (no stinky trash needed.)

In case I forget, it was 4 drops cedarwood, 4 drops cinnamon bark, 2 drops cloves, and 10 drops orange.


Respite from the Heat

Squash love heat. They need warm soil to germinate and a long hot season to bear good fruit.

But even squash have their limits.

From mid-July to mid-August, twenty out of thirty days were above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

I got a few zucchini from my four large hills, but they were few and far between – not like the bumper crops one expects.

Zucchini blossoms

I barely saw any squash blossoms, and those I did see stayed mostly closed – not an ideal situation for pollination.

But, in God’s mercy, the temperatures have cooled to the low 90s for the past week – and I was delighted to discover plants full of wide open blossoms when I went out to water this morning.

Wide open!

Thank you, Lord, for this respite from the heat!


A Berry Nice Arrangement

It’s been two years now since I last taught the Fall of Mankind (I was having a baby around this time last year so I took a year off teaching 3-year-old Sunday School.)

In the meantime, my berries – used to pantomime forbidden fruit – have gone missing. So I was off to the store yesterday to find something in the floral section. Unlike the last time I went searching (five years ago?), I couldn’t find anything that was almost exclusively berries. All the berries were a part of a bigger arrangement of flowers.

It just so happened, though, that several arrangements were in the basic colorway of our main living space – and so I did a bit of impulse buying.

A couple of minutes snipping and arranging the three sprays of artificially flowers I bought and now I have a pretty arrangement above the china hutch.

My new floral arrangement

And some forbidden fruit. I also have the forbidden fruit I was looking for.


A 5th Wheel and 3rd Time’s a Charm

Shiloh and Frank had eye appointments today. I needed to take all the kids because Daniel had already gone into work late so I could take Tirzah Mae to an orthodontist appointment this morning.

I was SO on top of it. The kids were in the car and we were on the way in time to be there 15 minutes early. I was rocking this.

We went over some train tracks with a jolt. The cement truck behind us started acting weird.

We stopped at a stoplight.

A woman with a construction vest knocked on my window. She was the cement truck driver. “I’m sorry, but you lost your spare tire back there.”

Yep. I took a U-turn and put on my hazards. Grabbed the tire and rolled it to the back of the van. Hefted it in. Turned back around.

About a block off from the eye office, I had a hunch. When I pulled in, I checked my phone. Yep, the reminder text was not from this location.

Good thing I was still ten minutes early despite the tire. The other location was about ten minutes away.

I took another U-turn (since the parking lot wouldn’t let me take a left). I drove down the road I thought the other location was on – and passed where it should be.

I pulled off onto a side road. Checked Google maps. The other location is a mile north – but didn’t the text reminder say this street?

By that time, I was already on my way to location 2. I won’t get the kids out until I know for sure I’m at the right place.

I ran in and the receptionist confirmed – the right location was a mile south and five miles west. He’ll call and let them know I’m on my way.

Got out to find the big kids had been super helpful and unbuckled their younger siblings. We only arrived at the correct location a half hour late.

The eye doctor saw us lickety-split. Both kids see just fine.

We made it home with only planned stops and no U-turns, despite Louis’s fear that I wouldn’t be able to find my way home and would instead route us through England!