When you’ve been a mother to preemies and had your fair share of complicated pregnancies, all sorts of numbers take on new significance.
For me, 29 weeks and 6 days is when I was hospitalized for preeclampsia with Tirzah Mae.
33 weeks, 6 days. When I was hospitalized with Louis.
32 weeks, 1 day. When Tirzah Mae was born.
34 weeks, 3 days. When Louis was born.
And today is 35 weeks. Baby #5 will be our oldest preemie yet.
Then there are the days from diagnosis to delivery.
8 days of hospitalized bedrest from diagnosis to delivery with Tirzah Mae.
4 days of hospitalized bedrest from diagnosis to delivery with Louis.
14 days now from diagnosis with Baby #5, still at home and still pregnant.
It’s encouraging to remember the numbers, to compare then and now.
It’s discouraging to consider the immediate future. We want baby and I to stay healthy, ideally for baby to stay in my womb for 19 more days. But 19 more days of waiting feels daunting. Sometimes just one more hour of waiting feels daunting.
“Rest” is exhausting when there’s the constant looming thought that the next blood pressure measurement might be the one that ends it all.
“Rest” is exhausting when you’re considering what to make for lunch and trying to balance time on your feet and kids’ complaints and whether the increased fluid retention from whatever sodium-filled convenience food you finally decide on will overwhelm your already fragile ability to cope.
“Rest” is exhausting when you want nothing more than to be present with your children but quickly feel overstimulated by the inevitable noise and movement and squabbling that four children competing for mama’s attention brings.
So here we are in the interim – looking back to celebrate two extra weeks with baby in the womb, two extra weeks at home with our already-born children.
And here we are in the interim, terrified at the hubris of scheduling a c-section for three weeks away, frightened at the prospect of (at any given moment) delivering within hours, worried that we haven’t the strength to continue this “rest” for three more weeks.
And here, while we’re in the interim, would you pray for us? Would you praise God for two weeks at home, for 35 weeks in the womb? And would you pray that we would experience true rest, the peace that passes understanding, for the rest of this pregnancy, whether that’s three more hours or three more weeks?
Praying for you all.
Bekah we are so proud of you as a wonderful mother to the children God has already gifted you, & that you & Daniel are so willing to go thru all this again to bring another of God’s gifts to you into your family. We are praying for you all, & for a healthy baby delivery.