Wrestling with Love

This is a continuation of Daniel’s and my story. Click on the “Our Story” tag for context.

That Wednesday morning, I read I John, as was my daily habit.

This time, I John 2:15-17 stuck out to me:

“Do not love the world or the things of the world.”

I wrote my prayer to the Lord:

“I affirm that this is Your word and that all Your words are true and good. Yet what are these things of the world that we are not to love? Is Daniel of this world, such that I should not love him? Do I set my affections to much upon him?”

I read on:

“If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

I knew this to be true. I also knew that the love of the Father was in me. God had called me by name, had demonstrated His love to my delight. And I believed it to be God’s love, working through me, that had desired to show love to Daniel the previous week by asking about his trip.

I just hadn’t expected that kind of love to morph into this kind of love.

Was this an unholy, fleshly desire?

I John 2:16 says:

“For all that is in the world–the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions–is not from the Father but is from the world.”

I wrestled with the desires I had toward Daniel. Were these worldly, fleshly desires?

I wrote my raw prayer to the Lord:

“I want, Lord, to desire You above all things. I want, Lord, whatever You desire. But I also want Daniel. I want to know everything there is to know about him. Yet, if you don’t want that for me, for Daniel and me, I don’t want it. Not my will but Yours be done.

Consecrate me, Lord, set me apart for Your service. Consecrate Daniel. And should You will to consecrate us together unto You, would You reveal that to Daniel–and give him wisdom in communicating that to me.”

That night, after a long conversation, Daniel told me he had a question he wanted to ask me. He sounded a bit tentative, told me he was a bit nervous. But he asked nonetheless:

“Rebekah, would you…go on a date with me?”

I’d asked God to lead Daniel as he led me. I’d asked God to help me respond to Daniel’s leadership in a holy fashion.

And by this time, I knew exactly how to respond:

“(Internally) HECK YES!
(Externally) I’d love to go on a date with you.”