NurtureShock: The Sometimes Surprising Science of Childrearing (Part 1)

I’d read a half-dozen-hundred reviews of NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, but by the time I got around to actually checking it out of the library, I’d forgotten what any of the reviews said. I just knew that it was a book about parenting and that I wanted to read it.

I’m sure glad I did, because it’s JUST the sort of book I enjoy–a look at what research says about child-rearing practices. I enjoyed reading this book so much, that I just HAD to take notes. And, since my blog functions as a sort of commonplace book for me, you get to read (or not read, as you choose) my notes. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: The Inverse Power of Praise
Telling your child they’re smart makes them dumb. Okay, not actually dumb, just less likely to put in the work to actually be knowledgeable or skilled. Turns out, affirmation of innate traits makes kids more image-protective and more likely to give up when something doesn’t come easily. So, does that mean we shouldn’t praise our kids? Not necessarily. But instead of blanket approval or approval based on innate traits, it’s best to praise process and character development. To make the most of praise, praise shouldn’t be “You’re so smart,” but “I can tell you worked hard on that”–but only when the child actually did. Children DO seem to have an innate BS meter which makes false praise completely ineffective.

Chapter 2: The Lost Hour
Everybody knows that children need lots of sleep, right? Nevertheless, sleep is getting short-shrift in American households–and children are suffering most. On average, children are getting an hour less sleep than they did 30 years ago–and it’s affecting their IQs, their grades, their attention, their memory, their moods, and their weight (yes, that’s right, their WEIGHT). Children need consistent bedtimes and sufficient sleep. Teens, additionally, need to be able to sleep later in the mornings (imagine that), since their biological clocks don’t tell them to go to sleep until about an hour and a half after it gets dark (which means that they’re going to still be sleepy an hour and a half later than adults and pre-pubescent children in the morning).

Chapter 3: Why White Parents Don’t Talk About Race
A popular idea among conservatives is the idea of a “color-blind” culture. Others promote an “X-pride” culture, in which every race, ethnicity, or other potential minority group bands together to collectively declare their own wonderfulness. (Can you tell that I’m a bit wary of the “pride” side?) Almost all proclaim they want various races to exist happily together. But how do we do this best? When one researcher looked at how to best promote multiculturalism, she came against a surprising roadblock: white parents aren’t comfortable talking about race. When they do talk about multicultural topics, they use vague language like “Everyone’s equal” or “Under the skin, we’re all the same.” They seem to assume that children won’t recognize racial differences if they’re not taught that they exist. Turns out, this isn’t true at all. Children are quick to make groups in their mind, whether based on skin color or shirt color–and they’re quick to assume that their group (no matter how arbitrary the group designation is) is better. When parents use vague language to try to teach multicultural concepts, they generally go over kids’ heads. Instead, if parents want children to learn that everyone is the same, they need to be willing to group people (just like the kids do!) and deliberately initiate conversations about what those groups do and do not say about the people who belong to them.