Month: March 2015

Categories B3RD, Tirzah Mae

Rice Cereal Time?

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Tirzah Mae had her “4 month” appointment today (Born five months ago and due 3 months ago) – and her doctor went through the standard four month advice, ending with “You can also start rice cereal now.”

To which Tirzah Mae’s dietitian mother answered, “Thanks but no thanks.”

Despite what your next door neighbor, the label on the baby cereal, and maybe even your family doc says, you do not need to introduce solids at 4 months. Most babies don’t need anything but breastmilk or infant formula until they’re six months old – and both breastfed and formula fed infants are at a disadvantage if they start solids too early.

For breastfed infants, the risk of adding solids before six months is related to what we breastfeeding people call the “virgin gut”. As long as Tirzah Mae is only receiving breastmilk, her gut has a protective layer (a simplified explanation that isn’t precisely correct, sorry!) that practically sheds pathenogenic bacteria and other icky stuff. Once that layer has been broken, baby can get sick more easily (now, don’t get me wrong – this does not mean that breastmilk is no longer beneficial after the gut’s barrier has been broken – keep breastfeeding even if you introduced solids prematurely!) The longer the breastfed baby waits before breaking that barrier, the better off she is – to a point. That point is right about 6 months , when an infant’s iron stores from birth are depleted and she needs some extra iron (this is why iron fortified infant cereal is recommended as baby’s first food).

For the formula fed infant, there’s no gut barrier to break – it’s been broken long ago (after that first two ounces of formula), but that doesn’t mean that we should be gung-ho about starting those solids right at four months. A few babies are developmentally ready at four months – but the vast majority develop the head and neck control needed to safely eat solids later. And introducing solids too soon can risk replacing the relatively nutrient-rich formula baby has been receiving with the (mostly) “empty calories” of (most) “Stage 1” baby foods (as well as increase risk of allergies).

So, when SHOULD you start solids?

If you’re breastfeeding your baby, when your baby shows signs of developmental readiness, no sooner than six months. If you’re formula feeding, when your baby shows signs of developmental readiness, no sooner than four months.

What are these signs of developmental readiness I speak of? I’m so glad you asked.

First, your baby should be sitting up with minimal support. This means with a pillow behind him – not strapped into a seat with a five point harness or sitting in a Bumbo.

Second, your baby should be able to hold his head steady and make controlled head movements in the sitting position. If I had a dime for every parent who has told me their two week old already has great head control… Remember, I said “in the sitting position”.

Finally, your baby should open his mouth wide for a spoon of food and close it once the spoon’s inside. If your baby is still sticking out his tongue when the spoon touches his lips, he’s not ready for solids. His tongue is under reflexive control – it needs to be under his control before he starts eating solids.

As for Tirzah Mae? We’ll be breastfeeding with nothing else added at LEAST for another month (six months from her birthday) but probably closer to three more months (until six months after her due date).

Categories What's on Your Nightstand?

Nightstand (March 2015)

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Reading through my list here in preparation for publishing, I see that I read quite a bit more this month than I had realized. Yay!

What's on my Nightstand in March

Fiction read this month:

  • Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
    I read Heather’s pick for last month’s Reading to Know Classics Bookclub and wrote some reflections on what “the heart of darkness” refers to.
  • The Nonesuch by Georgette Heyer
    I continue to enjoy Heyer’s books – they’re one of my favorite escape-novels. In this one, I rather fell in love with the ideal Miss Trent (and wrote about it, of course!)
  • The Battle for Skandia by John Flanagan
    I continue to very much enjoy the Ranger’s Apprentice series. This one goes to new heights of excitement when Will and company are called upon to assist the Skandians (Scandinavians) in fighting off the Temujai (the Mongol horde).
  • The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
    I read this with my in real life book club and look forward to discussing it this Thursday. This is a readers novel, full of references to other works – although I didn’t notice the parallels with George Eliot’s Silas Marneruntil my husband, who is reading it on my recommendation, pointed it out. Read my full review here.
  • Tom Thumb: Grimms’ Tales retold by Eric Carle
    Very nice retellings of four of Grimms’ Tales, accompanied by Carle’s characteristic illustrations. I borrowed this from the library, but I’d like to own a copy.
  • The Barefoot Book of Mother and Son Tales retold by Josephine Evetts-Secker
    An interesting collection of folk tales from around the world. I was a bit disappointed with how the author retells the Grimm Brothers’ “Hans in Luck” (mainly, leaving out the very last few lines about how the boy recounted his great luck to his mother) and I didn’t at all like how the story of Moses was told (as a tall-tale with extrabiblical and anti-biblical details.) But most of the ten stories were entertaining.
  • 5 picture books author last name BROKAMP to BROWN
  • 4 board books by Sandra Boynton
    I like her. I like her a lot.

More on my Nightstand in March

Nonfiction read this month:

Books about Parenting:

  • Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan
    Our library (Wichita’s Central library) has an abismal collection of audiobooks, and Jim Gaffigan’s Dad is Fat was one of the three that caught my eye before we left to visit our family in Lincoln. It was the one of the three that Daniel was interested in, so we listened to it on our way up (and down). In general, I enjoy Gaffigan’s humor and enjoyed listening to this book, although I’d heard many of the anecdotes already from watching him on YouTube. Gaffigan is widely considered to be “family-friendly” (something he makes fun of), but this book did include a few expletives.
  • The Wonder Weeks by Hetty van de Rigt and Frans Plooij
    Discusses how infants and toddlers go through predictable patterns of fussiness associated with leaps in mental development – and how parents can assist their children through these leaps. I found this massively helpful – it kept me focused on development instead of frustration when Tirzah Mae went through her first three “wonder weeks” (at 5, 8, and 12 weeks corrected for prematurity – so 13, 16, and 20 for her.)
  • Retro Baby by Anne Zachary
    Written by an occupational therapist, this book is all about gear-free ways to play with your infant – along with literally hundreds of reminders to only put a child to sleep on her back in a crib, to give her plenty of supervised tummy time, and to avoid putting baby in a container (swing, bouncy seat, or carrier) for more than a half an hour a day. I think I would have enjoyed this a lot more if I’d have started reading it now (when I can actually do some of the activities with Tirzah Mae) versus three months ago (when only the aforementioned warnings were really pertinent due to her stage of development.) Very nice activity ideas, pertinent warnings – but probably unrealistic (For example – sometimes I place Tirzah Mae on her tummy unsupervised while I fold laundry. If she falls asleep in her swing, I’m not going to wake her up to move her to the bassinet. And if making dinner takes longer than 30 minutes? She’s going to spend more than 30 minutes in her bouncy seat. Also, yep, we’ve done the cosleeping thing.)

Books about Houses:

  • Tips and Traps When Building Your Home by Robert Irwin
    Helpful look at the process of building your own home – along with tips for getting things done right and warnings to avoid doing things wrong :-)
  • 500 Bungalows by Douglas Keister
    It almost feels wrong to list this among the books I’ve read – because, apart from the introduction, it contains only photographs and locations. The entire book consists of photographs of bungalows from around the country. Quite a few were from my hometown, Lincoln Nebraska – and I found it interesting that I tended to like those houses more than the ones from, say, California (the southern houses generally have flatter roofs, since they don’t need to deal with heavy snow loads – and I’m just not a fan.)

Other nonfiction:

  • Christmas in Canada and
    Christmas in France by World Book
    Who says you can only read about Christmas in December?
  • The VBAC Companion by Diane Korte
    I am reading all I can, hoping to have a successful VBAC the next time around. This was a good resources – and one I’d definitely recommend to others, but it didn’t quite meet my expectations (mostly because I already have a very supportive OB and midwife and don’t really need help finding ones.) Read my full review here.

Books currently in progress

Currently reading:

  • I was a Really Good Mom before I had Kids by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Noble
    A little different than what I expected – but overall a pretty good book along the lines of getting rid of mommy guilt and having reasonable expectations in mothering. I recommended it to my sister-in-law (who’s much more in the throughs of mothering than I, with a three year old, a two year old and one on the way!).
  • Sleep: The Brazelton Way by T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua D. Sparrow
    Because Tirzah Mae is 5 months old (3 once corrected) and it’s time to start being intentional about sleep.
  • Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessic Thompson
    Reading and discussing with my sister-in-law. At the end of the first section, I think some of the examples are on the sermonizing side – but I agree completely with the need to fall upon God’s grace in parenting, not on our wonderful parenting techniques. If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far, it’s that it’s only by God’s grace that our children will ever be “good” (or that we’ll ever be “good parents”.)
  • Vaginal Birth After Cesarean: The Smart Woman’s Guide to VBAC by Elizabeth Kaufmann
    One chapter in, it’s already obvious this author has a chip on her shoulder and is NOT pro-VBAC.
  • The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers by Jack Newman and Teresa Pitman
    Newman is one of the foremost experts in breastfeeding medicine – and I love the way he lets his voice come out in this informative and practical book. It won’t be for everyone, but I did write up some comments on one passage here (regarding whether breastfeeding should be considered the norm or the ideal “best”.)
  • The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
    Reading for this month’s Reading to Know book club – I agree with Barbara’s liking AND Carrie’s disliking. (Oh my!) Will write more when finished.

Don’t forget to drop by 5 Minutes 4 Books to see what others are reading this month!

What's on Your Nightstand?

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: The VBAC Companion by Diana Korte

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I’m sure it will come as a total shock to my readers – but I’m hoping for a vaginal birth the next time around.

I know, I know. You’re having a hard time wrapping your head around it.

Truth is, even if I weren’t all about natural childbirth and minimal interventions and maximizing chances at successfully establishing breastfeeding (all good cases for vaginal birth after c-section, or VBAC), I want to have lots of kids. And you can only have so many repeat cesareans.

So I’m planning on doing everything I can to work toward that end.

Diana Korte’s The VBAC Companion is the first resource I’ve picked up – and it’s a pretty good one. It outlines the case for VBAC, as well as the risks associated with it, and then goes right into how to plan for your VBAC.

The bulk of the book consists of finding a medical professional and a birthing location that are supportive of VBAC.

Turns out, the most important thing you can do to ensure success of your VBAC attempt is to have supportive attendants. Having a doctor or midwife who believes in VBAC, who has practices that support successful laboring (versus “trials of labor” that root against a woman), and who has successfully helped women have VBACs is HUGE.

The final part of the book was about laboring – mostly the general stuff you’d learn in any childbirth preparation class. How to manage pain and keep labor moving by moving around and assuming different positions. Which interventions help a woman to labor well and which slow or stop labor. Helpful things, but not ones unique to VBAC.

This was a good book on preparing for a VBAC. I would imagine that most women who want to attempt a VBAC will find it very useful.

I didn’t.

You see, I was hoping for something more. I was hoping for guidelines for physical fitness, exercises to do. I was hoping for weight gain guidelines. I was hoping for more specific laboring advice. Not that the other stuff isn’t important. I know the stuff this book discussed is the most important stuff for ensuring success. It’s just that I’m blessed to already have two extremely supportive attendants. I know that when I try again, my midwife and my OB are both rooting for me and are going to do everything in their power to help me to be successful.

So, I keep searching for that other stuff (I have a feeling I might not be able to find it in a book – so I’ve got a meeting scheduled with my midwife to talk about what she’s found to be helpful with other women).

Meanwhile, I can wholeheartedly recommend this book as a resource for other women who are hoping for a VBAC, especially for those who don’t know their OB, doctor, or midwife’s track record on VBAC and need help choosing a supportive professional.

Rating: 4 stars
Category: Pregnancy/Childbirth
Synopsis: Rationale for choosing a vaginal birth after cesarean and how to plan for a successful VBAC.
Recommendation: If you are interested in trying for a VBAC, this is a good resource.

Categories B3RD

Breastfeeding: Normal or Best?

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It’s popular, in breastfeeding circles, to talk about how breast isn’t best – it’s normal.

In general, I find the arguments uncompelling (and whenever I do find one compelling, it is unable to withstand discussion with my husband, who is my resident sharpener-of-thought.)

The problem with the debate, I think, is that it adds nothing useful for the woman who is undecided or opposed to breastfeeding. It serves as a rallying cry for the lactivist, but does little for average-Jane-moms.

The other problem with the debate is that there are a couple of different definitions of normal that come into play. There are cultural norms and physiologic norms – two quite different things. Cultural norms refers to what is usual or expected in our cultural. Unfortunately, breastfeeding is not currently normal in our culture. Physiological norms refers to the expected standard for health. So a physiological norm might be a BMI between 18 and 25 (despite many in our culture falling above that range).

Proponents of the “breastfeeding is normal, not best” argument state that using the “best” terminology suggests that breastfeeding is something that women can do to go above and beyond – like telling them that a glass of wine daily can reduce their risk of heart disease. No one would fault a woman for choosing not to go the extra mile to drink a glass of wine daily. They could still be acting appropriately and normally without consuming wine. But breastfeeding is not like a glass of wine daily, adding some benefits but not really something women should be expected to do.

In my opinion, this only adds fuel to the mommy-war flame, without really helping women (who experience great pressure from cultural norms opposing breastfeeding.)

To tell a woman that something is normal and expected physiologically (as it certainly is – just as heterosexual sex is normal and expected versus homosexual sex**) before it is normal and expected culturally is more likely to cause her additional anguish rather than to assist her in making a decision and holding to it.

As an aside, I would love to live in a world where breastfeeding was the cultural norm – where women breastfeeding was common and accepted and where bottles were not the ubiquitous symbol of a baby. I would love to live in a world where all husbands made enough money that their wives could stay home for a minimum of six months after delivering so they could breastfeed their babies (without having to pump and provide expressed breastmilk) – and where there were no husbandless mothers. But that is not the world we live in, so calling breastfeeding “normal” when it is not culturally so confuses the issue.

So I’m not a fan of the “normal” argument. Or at least I wasn’t until I read the following in Jack Newman and Teresa Pitman’s The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers:

“There is no evidence that what is called ‘breastmilk’ jaundice is bad for the baby. None. On the contrary, bilirubin may be good for the baby, protecting him from potentially damaging chemicals in the body. What we have here is a lack of understanding; that is, too many people do not understand that breastfeeding is the normal physiological method of feeding infants and young children. If most exclusively breastfed, well-gaining babies are jaundiced, then this is normal and not a concern. On the contrary, we should be concerned about babies fed with formula (advertised as being ‘close to breastmilk’) who are not jaundiced. What’s wrong with them that they are not jaundiced? The breastfed baby should be the model of what to expect, not the artificially fed baby.”

This argument, I can agree with wholeheartedly. It would be incredibly useful if medical practitioners got used to the reality that breastfeeding is the physiological norm – and evaluated babies accordingly. If medical practitioners had growth charts that expressed biological norms for breastfed babies instead of formula fed babies, it is likely that fewer women would be encouraged to supplement with formula. If medical practitioners understood biologically normal levels of bilirubin and blood sugars in the breastfed neonate, many more women would be able to successfully establish breastfeeding.

This is a “normal” argument I can get behind.

As another aside (in other words, stop reading if you’ve got hurts related to breastfeeding that are exacerbated by women celebrating breastfeeding), I love Newman and Pitman’s follow-up paragraph:

“For these reasons, there is no call to take the baby off the breast for 24 or 48 hours ‘to be sure that it is breastmilk jaundice,’ and to bring the baby’s bilirubin down to those of the artificially fed baby. In fact, logically, we should not be worrying the breastfeeding mother at all about her jaundiced baby. We should be saying to the formula-feeding mother, ‘Your baby’s bilirubin is too low. This is probably not dangerous, but just to make sure that it is the formula that is keeping his bilirubin too low, I would like you to put the baby to the breast for a few days, so that his bilirubin moves up into the normal range.’ That’s logical.”

**Please don’t misunderstand me, I am in no way suggesting that formula feeding and homosexual sex are at all morally equivalent. That is absolutely untrue. What is true is that they are both different from the physiological or biological norms.

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin

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“It’s a good book?” Daniel asks me, as the dozenth chuckle emerges from my lips. He’s stopped asking me what’s so funny, as the humor is lost without context.

Yes, it’s a good book. It’s a reader’s book. Full of references to other stories, calls to tropes, twists on standard tales. It’s a reflective book without being self-conscious.

I laughed. By the end, I cried.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry is about a bookseller, a widower with defined literary tastes who rather wants to run his bookstore to the ground while killing himself with drink. Now that Nic is dead, what has he to live for?

But a valuable book goes missing while he’s passed out drunk one night – and now his “insurance” is gone. It takes a stolen book, an unlikely friendship, and an abandoned child – but slowly, A.J. Fikry’s life starts to take on meaning again.

Each chapter opens with a book review of sorts: a blurb A.J. wrote about a book or a short story, hinting at what made that story important to him and worth reading to others. While I’d read only a few of the highlighted stories, Fikry’s descriptions were rich – and the connection between the stories he read and the stories he lived most interesting.

“It is so simple.
Maya…I have figured it all out–
The words you can’t find, you borrow.

We read to know we’re not alone.
We read because we are alone.
We read and we are not alone.
We are not alone.

My life is in these books–
Read these and know my heart.

We are not quite novels–
We are not quite short stories–
In the end, we are collected works.

This novel is sure to resonate with other readers as it resonated with me. I recommend it.

My recommendation is not without caveats, however. My readers will want to be aware that this book contains a few expletives and several instances of non-explicit sexual immorality.

Rating: 5 stars
Category: Literary fiction
Synopsis: Widowed bookseller A.J. Fikry is ready to give up on life when a stolen book, an unlikely friendship, and an abandoned child change his course completely.
Recommendation: A book lovers book – if your life has been changed by the stories you’ve read (and vice versa), you’re likely to enjoy this book.

Categories Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday: Anniversary and Birthday Week

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Thankful Thursday banner

Daniel and I got married five days before my 28th birthday – so I have a week of celebration in March!

This week I’m thankful…

…for gorgeous weather
The weather can’t have been nicer over the past week – and Tirzah Mae and I took full advantage when shopping last Thursday. We skipped the maze of construction (on all four streets at the corner of our shopping center) and walked from Aldi to Walmart for our groceries. The weather must have made others cheery too, because no less than 8 people stopped us during our excursion to comment on my sweet baby or ask about the MOBY wrap :-)

Tirzah Mae finds her fist

…for for birthday burgers
I signed up for Red Robin’s “Royalty”, which means I get a free burger the month of my birthday – and Daniel and I went to redeem it Saturday night. It’s always nice to have a night off cooking, even nicer when it means an evening of simply chatting with my beloved (without our computers or books or television or the laundry to distract).

…for Skyping with my sister-in-law
Debbie and I are reading together again (this time Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson’s Give Them Grace) and Skyping weekly to discuss. This week, we barely got to discussion, but it is always so wonderful just to chat with my former mentee turned friend turned sister-in-law (and since she’s expecting her third, this time she has stuff to teach me about mothering :-))

Enjoying her lovey

…for a lovely evening in
For our anniversary, I cooked one of Daniel’s favorite meals and set us up at the table with a tablecloth and everything. We sat Tirzah Mae in a bouncer beside us and she kept herself occupied the entirety of the meal (a VERY unusual occurrence – usually by dinner she’s pretty clingy and I eat with her on my lap).

…for crafty time
Tirzah Mae is not a good napper – I’m fortunate if she naps 15-30 minutes at a stretch during the day. (Although she is generally pretty good at going right back to sleep after night wakenings, so I’m not complaining about the naps.) Since she gets so fussy in the evening when her papa comes home, I’m trying to help her take a longer nap in the afternoons before he gets home. Yesterday, I laid down with her around 3:00 and she fell asleep for long enough for me to make her a lovey (she’s starting to want to grasp something while she’s eating or falling asleep or even just sitting somewhere, so I thought I’d oblige with what my family calls a “slicky” – a piece of satiny fabric, this one with tags for extra texture.)

What, mom?
…for anticipation of Pi[e] day
My birthday falls on Pi day every year – but this year is the Pi day to end all pi days, since it can be pi to the tenth significant digit (3/14/15 9:26:53). My sister will be in town and we intend to be eating pie at 9:26!

Categories Book Notes

The Ideal Miss Trent

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A frequent charge leveled against romance novels is that they make you discontent with the husband you’ve got by setting up a paragon of a hero.

This may well be true, but I think I’m just as likely (or more so) to fall in love with the heroines.

Take Miss Trent from Georgette Heyer’s The Nonesuch:

“She was always very simply attired; but she wore the inexpensive muslins and cambrics which she fashioned for herself with an air of elegance; and never had he seen her, even on the hottest day, presenting anything but a cool and uncrumpled appearance.”

She was a self-sufficient woman, becoming first a schoolteacher and then a private governess-companion rather than live beholden to her brother. She was, of course, accomplished in the female arts that make one suited for such a post – but above that, she had that certain something that made her universally respected.

The daughter of the house worshipped her as a heroine, yes – but she also won over the low-born mother who had been determined to keep the governess in her place:

“She had been too much delighted to regain possession of her niece to raise any objection to the proviso that Miss Trent must accompany Tiffany; but she had deeply resented it, and had privately resolved to make it plain to Miss Trent that however many Generals might be members of her family any attempt on her part to come the lady of Quality over them at Staples would be severely snubbed. But as Miss Trent, far from doing any such thing, treated her with a civil deference not usually accorded to her by her children Mrs. Underhill’s repressive haughtiness was abandoned within a week; and it was not long before she was telling her acquaintance that they wouldn’t believe what a comfort to her was the despised governess.”

What’s more, Miss Trent was so above-reproach that she even won the respect of the self-absorbed heiress under her care:

“Tiffany took an instant fancy to the new teacher, who was only eight years older than herself, and in whose clear gray eyes she was swift to detect a twinkle. It did not take her long to discover that however straitened her circumstances might be Ancilla came of a good family, and had been used to move in unquestionably genteel circles. She recognized, and was a little awed by, a certain elegance which owed nothing to Ancilla’s simple dresses; and bit by bit she began to lend an ear to such scraps of worldly advice as Ancilla let fall at seasonable moments.”

Miss Trent is just the sort of person I could wish to be: always elegant, always genteel, universally liked, and capable of saying and doing just the right things at the right times.

But, alas, I am myself. And while I can work to stay cool and uncrumpled even on the hottest days, can work towards being genteel without being haughty, can seek to live in such a way as to be above reproach – I am still myself. I sweat and stress, I can be common, I fail.

The important part is not that I be the ideal Miss Trent (which I am not), but that God be seen as Perfect (which He is.)

Categories Marriage, Wedding

I don’t want to forget

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Two years ago today was a momentous day – one I’ll never forget.

I say that, but the truth is, I’ve already started to forget so much about my wedding day. The sermon, the toasts, the greetings of friends. If I don’t have written record or pictorial proof, chances are I’ve already started to forget – with no way to reclaim those moments.

Which is why, here, on our second anniversary, I want to record the details I most don’t want to forget.

I don’t want to forget…

…the people

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My girlfriends helping me dress, bustling on the other side of the hall to prepare a luncheon for the party. The surprising arrival of my brother and his pregnant wife and daughter. Skyping with my other brother, halfway around the world, before the day began. My family, doing what my family does best – making things happen. Extended family arriving in great swaths. People from church in Columbus, from church in Lincoln, from my childhood church. My teammates from the Jacksonville Summer Training Program. Charlotte, who knew us both when, telling me in the receiving line: “You and Daniel – if only I’d have thought of it sooner.”

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All of them expressing their support, rejoicing in God’s provision, rooting for our marriage.

…the promises
I lightly adapted the text from The Book of Common Prayer for our order of service. I answered “I will” when our pastor asked me if I would “take Daniel to be your husband, to live with him in holy marriage according to the Word of God? Will you love him, comfort him, honor him, obey him, and keep him in sickness and in health and, forsaking all others, be wife to him as long as you both shall live?”

I promised God that day that I would be wife to Daniel. I promised to live with him in holy marriage, not a secular union. To love him, to comfort him, to honor him, to obey him.

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I made a solemn vow before God and the congregation:

“I, Rebekah, take you, Daniel, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. To this, I pledge you my faithfulness.”

I want to remember those promises. I want to keep those promises.

…the Preeminence
It’s normal to have Scripture readings and songs at a wedding. It’s normal for these readings and songs to elevate love, to proclaim love’s worth, to delight in love.

And believe me, Daniel and I enjoy love.

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But we wanted our wedding to elevate something else. But that’s not quite right either. We wanted our wedding to elevate someone else.

We chose Colossians 1:15-23 for a reading:

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.”

We sang two congregational hymns – one looking backward at the faithfulness of God (“Great is Thy Faithfulness”), one looking forward, petitioning God to be before us (Be Thou My Vision).

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Because we didn’t want our wedding prayer to be all about us. We didn’t want our marriage to be all about us. We wanted our marriage to be all about Christ.

I never want to forget that. I always want to live that. I want that day’s passion for Christ’s preeminence to be every day’s passion.

Categories Pregnancy

Don’t reassure me, root for me

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My eight days of hospitalization prior to having Tirzah Mae were some of the longest days of my life.

So much of what I’d dreamed for in a birth experience was no longer an option. I couldn’t have a home birth. Couldn’t deliver at term. Couldn’t avoid monitors. Couldn’t labor with only my husband and my midwife to observe.

But I could still have a vaginal birth. I could still breastfeed.

I knew that I wanted those things. I made sure my caregivers knew I wanted those things.

Dr. Jensen knew that from the outset – I was one of the moms who seeks him out because he’s the rare type who is willing to care for women who make unconventional birth choices (choices like homebirth). He knew that I wanted normal birth – and only wanted to deviate from normal as absolutely necessary.

But the nurses and residents and even Dr. Wolfe (our excellent maternal-fetal specialist) needed me to tell them what I wanted. And so I did.

I don’t remember most of the reactions, most of the conversations I had with various health professionals regarding our desires – but I do remember two in particular.

One nurse, on hearing that I still wanted a vaginal birth, recounted the story of a young mom with preeclampsia who’d wanted the same thing.

“[The laboring woman’s] mom was really into the Bradley method – and, to be honest, I wasn’t sure at the beginning how into it the girl really was. I doubted she’d make it. But she labored hard and was a real trouper. She had to have the monitors and such but she was squatting and working at it – and she had her baby vaginally. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”

A second nurse, when I told of my intentions to breastfeed, encouraged me that breastfeeding was wonderful for me and for baby. She told me that it could be hard work but that it was worth it. And she reassured me:

“And if you don’t make enough, it’s okay to supplement too.” She told her own story of struggling and needing to supplement.

As it turned out, I didn’t have a beautiful Bradley pre-eclamptic vaginal delivery. I was given a spinal block and covered in drapes, my abdomen and uterus were cut and my baby lifted out of my womb by gloved hands. It was far from the delivery I’d desired or the beautiful picture my nurse had painted. But I was so glad that nurse had told me her story. It gave me hope for a vaginal delivery, sure – for the vaginal delivery that didn’t happen. But more than that, it told me that she was rooting for me. She wanted me to achieve my desires. She wanted a beautiful delivery for me – and believed it was possible. And for that I am thankful.

Also as it turned out, I never had problems with breastmilk supply. Due in part to genetics and in part to supply-promoting practices, I had what one NICU nurse called “enough milk to feed Wichita”. So the second nurse’s reassurances ended up not being needed. Maybe that’s why I look on her reassurances with such distaste.

I knew then (and know now) what her intent was in providing that reassurance. Many mothers of preemies do have difficulties with supply – and it’s not the end of the world when a baby receives formula. Mothers who have done all they can and still can’t produce enough needn’t feel guilty that their child receives formula. This is true. But I didn’t want reassurances in case yet another something went wrong with my experience – I wanted someone to say that they were on my side, that they wanted for me and my baby what I wanted for me and my baby AND that they believed it was possible.

I didn’t want reassurances. I wanted someone to root for me.

I realize that when I recount stories like this, I might give you the impression that some of the nurses were bad nurses. The nurse who reassured me, the nurse who gave me a nipple shield (and yes, I recognize that cursing her is a sin – and have repented of that sin). Both were excellent nurses in many respects. I recount the difficult parts because those are the parts that I’ve had to struggle through – but these women also did and said many things that kept me from having to struggle through countless other difficulties. I am immensely thankful for these devoted nurses.