bekahcubed

Categories Everyday Life, Following Christ

My Covetous Heart

4 Comments by

We were sitting on the dock, our feet in the water, discussing The Greener Grass Conspiracy.

I was telling her that I feel like I’m in one of those odd moments in life when I feel content.

In other words, my whole being is not currently burning for a husband, a house, or children. (My three favorite idols.)

I’m content, I say.

Until I realize how many things I’m still not quite content about.

I haven’t quite finished building my brand-new computer–but already, I’m wishing I could have justified another 4 GB of memory, a new hard drive instead of a recycled one. Already I’m questioning my decision to not buy a copy of Microsoft Office and to instead go with the FreeWare OpenOffice.

I’m the owner of a brand new camera, one I haven’t even begun to discover the features of–and already, I’m wishing I had more time in which to play with it. I’m wishing I were a bird-watcher like Janet and could take such beautiful photos of birds.

Duck and ducklings in lake

But even when I snap pictures of a mother duck with her little ducklings, out for a swim in the twilight, I am still not content.

Oh my discontent, my covetous heart!

Stephen Altrogge speaks truth when he says:

“The raging, covetous, discontented desires come from within. They’re not the product of my circumstances, and the desires won’t be satisfied when circumstances change.”

Because my covetous heart just finds another thing to envy.

So, Lord, may I seek contentment–and find contentment–in You, rather than in any circumstance, whether good or bad.

Categories The Week in Words

WiW: The Heart’s Purpose

7 Comments by

The Week in Words

I can’t be entirely certain that I’m quoting “Letters to Juliet” accurately, but over the course of the movie, the protagonist asks her older companion (who is looking for her lost love): “What is your heart telling you?”

It’s a theme echoed in a dozens of Hollywood films, in chick flicks, and in daytime television. “What does your heart say?”

And with it there’s the implicit command: “You should do as your heart demands.”

But is the heart a sage such that we should strain our ears to hear its every thought? Is the heart a guru such that we should follow its every instruction?

Jon Bloom spoke of the issue in an article he wrote for Desiring God:

“Princess Diana once said, ‘Only do what your heart tells you.’

This is a creed believed by millions. It’s a statement of faith in one of the great pop cultural myths of the Western world. It’s a gospel proclaimed in many of our stories, movies, and songs.

It states that your heart is a compass inside of you that will point you to your own true north if you can just see it clearly. Your heart is a true guide that will lead you to happiness if you can just tune into it. We are lost, and our heart will save us.

This sounds so simple and liberating. It’s tempting to believe.

Until you consider that your heart has sociopathic tendencies.”

Jon goes on to say:

“If our hearts are compasses, they are like Jack Sparrow’s.”

No, our hearts are not future-seeing, altruistic sages. They are self-seeking, antisocial slavers.

No, our hearts are not wise guides or powerful gurus. They are forever oscillating needles, unsure of true north or even of their own desires.

But if the heart is such a faulty sage, such a misleading guide, what is the purpose of the heart?

May I suggest that the heart’s purpose is not first to speak, but to hear; not to lead, but to be led?

May I suggest that the heart’s purpose–indeed our purpose–is not to be consumed with itself or to follow after itself, but to be consumed with another, lost in another?

We taste this in the sublimity of early love, when self’s considerations (even eating and sleeping) lose precedence to the exaltation of the beloved.

But this is only a foretaste of a much greater reality–the reality that I posit is part of our divine purpose in life.

To be lost in worship of the One who is so far greater than our hearts that our hearts must bow to His every whim.

David Brooks of The New York Times says:

“The purpose in life is not to find yourself. It’s to lose yourself.”
HT: Justin Buzzard

But while Brooks talks of losing oneself in “tasks”, in general, I would argue that our purpose is not to be lost in “tasks” but in One Sacred Task.

Our heart’s purpose is to be lost glorying in Christ.

Don’t forget to take a look at Barbara H’s meme “The Week in Words”, where bloggers collect quotes they’ve read throughout the week.

Categories Everyday Life, Technology

Snapshot: A Philosopher’s Toothache

1 Comment by

After putting together my new computer, I plugged in the power cord and pressed the power button and heard…

Nothing.

Nothing whatsoever was happening.

Except that I smelled something burning.

I suspected the power supply, since it had smelled awful from the moment I took it out of the box (Can you tell I’m a food person? My first guess of something gone wrong is an off odor!)

So I tested the power supply, using the directions given–“shorting” the system with a paper clip.

Shorting my power supply

That wasn’t it.

I reconnected the power supply to the mainboard, turned the power on again, and discovered my problem.

A circuit in the upper right corner of the board was glowing and stinking.

A short, this one decidedly undesirable.

I couldn’t do anything about it just then and it was late and I was already exhausted, so I turned off the light and went down to bed feeling rather sorry for myself.

Then I began to think of how a friend’s troubles far outweigh mine, and how I’d been contemplating her struggles earlier and internally urging her to trust God–

Benedick’s words from “Much Ado About Nothing” popped into my head:

“There was never yet a philosopher
that could endure the toothache patiently.”

Categories Books

In Which I pretend that Bekahcubed is Facebook

1 Comment by

If I had the luxury of being one of those workers who can be online all day long (which I most certainly am not-having just bargained full internet access for myself less than a month ago), I might be inclined to become one of those sort of bloggers who post as if their blogs were Facebook.

Like Abraham Piper or even Instapundit, I might post links and mini-thoughts a dozen times a day (although Instapundit is more like a couple hundred times a day).

And if I were one of those sorts of bloggers, I would certainly post this insightful commentary from one of P.G. Wodehouse’s “Golf Stories”:

On Russian Novelists:

“This Vladimir Brusiloff to whom I have referred was the famous Russian novelist…. Vladimir specialized in gray studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened until page three hundred and eighty, when the moujik decided to commit suicide.”
~From The Most of P.G. Wodehouse, page 413

With my infinite (read “minute”) knowledge of Russian novelists, I know enough to ask, “Did the moujik commit suicide on page 380, or just decide to do so?”

Categories Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday:Material Desires

1 Comment by

Now that I’ve written a manifesto (of sorts) on the differences between wants and needs, I must tell you that I have been blessed not only with all that I need–but with many of those unnecessary but desired material things.

Just now, in fact, I drove up to my house (after a long day of going-to-Grand-Island-and-working/driving-into-Lincoln-for-a-dentist-appointment/”borrowing”-my-parents-wireless-internet-for-some-extra-work/driving-back-to-Columbus) to find the following stacked next to my garage door.

Boxes stacked by door

This week, I’m thankful for…

…a new computer
I don’t really need a computer at all, much less a new one. But here in boxes on my doorstep are a new case, motherboard, processor, and memory cards. With my less-than-a-year-old hard drive and CD/DVD burner, I’ll have a new computer for a not so shabby price.

…a new printer
Especially now that I’m no longer a student, a printer is definitely not on my needs list. Yet I found a great deal on a new laser printer and had money in my bank account to cover it.

…a new camera
Whether I like to believe it or not, a camera truly is a luxury. Yes, I’d told myself that I wasn’t going to buy another camera until I could buy a DSLR. I determined to just keep on fixing my oft-used-and-abused Kodak EasyShare. I spoke of time running out, of the EasyShare going to bite the dust any day. But the truth is, the EasyShare still hasn’t bit the dust–and even if it had, I could have done without. I don’t need a camera. Nevertheless, the box that came for me today contained the much-longed-for, long-saved-for DSLR.

That’s what came in my boxes.

Thankful Thursday banner

But I’ve been blessed materially beyond the boxes.

I’m also thankful for…

…Kane my Citizen II (bicycle)
I could just walk or drive my car everywhere I go. But I am blessed with an awesome bicycle complete with fenders and panniers (so I can carry all my junk along with me and not get dirty!)

…my lovely sewing machine
I could sew by hand or not sew at all. But my sewing machine enables me to rapidly put together a baby quilt for my soon-to-arrive little nephew or niece and to get to know some wonderful young ladies who I’m teaching to sew.

…plenty of material
It’s been two weeks since I got all that uber-cheap fabric, so it’s now out of its bags, washed, and ready to be used. I’ve got yards and yards of material, obtained at a very low price.

Not only have I been blessed with everything I need, and with all the spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus–I’ve also been blessed with an abundance of my material desires.

Categories Following Christ

I need…

4 Comments by

When I was working in fast food (many a year ago), my pet peeve was people who’d come in and say “I need a 1/4 white with a side of spinach and a side of macaroni. And I need a half whole wheat roll instead of a cornbread.”

Okay, so it wasn’t that particular order that annoyed me. (Although why anyone would want a roll instead of Boston Market’s cornbread completely escapes me–sorry Mom and Dad.)

What annoyed me was how these customers glibly stated that they needed x, y, and z.

I wanted to tell them, “You don’t need a quarter white. You want a quarter white, or you’d like a quarter white, or your wife will nag you if you don’t get a quarter white. But you don’t need a quarter white.”

Of course, I was too good at customer service to let my annoyedness show. So I smiled and got them what they “needed.” They were, after all, paying customers.

I’ve realized, though, that I often do the exact same thing.

No, I don’t tell fast food workers that I need the items that I actually just want–but I regularly tell God or others all about the things I need.

My computer is running slowly–I need a new one.

I have to feed paper sheet by sheet into my printer–I need a new printer.

My camera is battered and bruised–I need a DSLR.

I am tired–I need a vacation.

I need, I need, I need.

When really, I have everything I need.

“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
~Philippians 4:19

Actually, there is just one thing I still need (having been given, in Christ, all that I need for life and godliness).

I need contentment.

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
~Philippians 4:11-13

Categories Everyday Life

Snapshot: Overnight Bags

3 Comments by

Most people, when returning to their place of origin for an overnight stay, pack an overnight bag.

I am not most people.

Here’s what I took for my overnight stay:

My trunk

  • My sewing machine
  • My sewing box
  • My cutting board
  • No less than six small baskets of fabric
  • A crate of books to be returned to the library
  • My work computer (just in case, PLEASE NO!)
  • A side of beef for my parents
  • No less than a half dozen books still to be read
  • My usual bag of Bible, notebooks, novels, and the like
  • An overnight bag

That’d be me.

Categories Everyday Life

A “Typical” Saturday

3 Comments by

I was born (I think) with an inquiring mind and a desire to know practically everything.

I am, unfortunately, bound through most of the week to focus my mind on the most pertinent and practical pieces of information. Thus, I squelch the inquiring impulses and let a thousand questions remain unanswered as the week rolls along.

But, come Saturday, I now have time to explore the multitudes.

So I click the twitter link to Instapundit’s short post about looking Presidential in high school.

Which led me to the post he was linking to with pictures of current Republican presidential candidates in high school.

Which led me to ask who the 2012 Republican presidential candidates are.

Which led me to discuss with my sister how young Jeb Bush truly is–and how he has plenty of years in front of him to aspire to the presidency. We determined that the presidency is generally the peak of one’s political career, and need not be sought until one is about ready to retire from politics.

Which led me to wonder, which president was it who then became a Supreme Court Justice?

The moment I said Teddy Roosevelt, I knew it was wrong. The former leader of the “Rough Riders” would certainly not be a sit-behind-a-bench sort of guy.

The answer, of course, was perfectly apt.

William Howard Taft (“Tipping in at 400 lbs?” I wondered) was, of course, the man who went from sitting president to sitting Supreme Court Justice.

Which led me to question exactly how much William Howard Taft actually weighed.

Turns out, much less (65 lbs less) than I had guessed.

Then, I decided to write this all up for your entertainment.

Except that when I got to the Jeb Bush part, I wondered exactly how old Jeb Bush really is.

I also took a brief break in the writing of this post to use the restroom and to read a chapter from 1001 Gruesome Facts by Helen Otway, where I learned, among other things, that:

“Scot David Evans was sentenced to 6 months’ imprisonment for using a wet fish as an offensive weapon. He had slapped a passerby on the face with it.”

This is a pretty typical Saturday.

Categories Everyday Life, Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday: Difficult People

2 Comments by

I’m pretty sure that in every profession (except maybe being a hermit-and maybe not even then), there are difficult people to deal with. There are crabby coworkers, cussing customers, and cantankerous crowds. There are people who emote too much and people who emote too little. People on power trips and people who just NEVER speak up. Passive-aggressive people and just plain old passive or aggressive people. People that drive you nuts.

Sometimes it’s hard to be thankful for difficult people–until I remember that God is using them to work His image into me. To which I say, “Then bring ’em on!”

Thankful Thursday banner

This week, I’m thankful for…

…learning to keep my mouth shut

…learning to open my mouth

…learning to shut my ears to gossip

…learning to really listen to people

…learning to let things roll off my back

…learning to not back down when something important needs done

I haven’t learned it all yet.

I get worked up about unimportant things. I bottle up anger at people and never tell them. I act passive-aggressively. I ignore problems sometimes.

But I’m growing.

And I’m thankful for the opportunities to grow…
thanks to some difficult people
I know.

Categories Everyday Life, Family & Friends, Homemaking, Work

Overwhelmed, including laundry room photos

3 Comments by

Laundry room picture

I am feeling overwhelmed by all the work that keeping house means. Keeping tidy, keeping up on the dishes, mopping and vacuuming every so often. Meals every day, laundry before the clothes run out, trash before the house starts to smell. Trying to get the lawn mowed between raindrops, learning how to clip a hedge, wondering why my green beans didn’t take.

I’ve decided I’m going to take things one step at a time so as not to get (too) overwhelmed.

Yesterday’s step?

The laundry room. Sweep the floor, tidy the bottles, remove the stuff that doesn’t belong.

At least one room in the house is in order (for now.)

Laundry room picture

I’m also feeling overwhelmed with opportunities.

I have four middle school girls who craft or sew with me regularly and a few more who do so less frequently (or would like to do so eventually). I’ve got some friends I’d like to do Bible study with, and a new friend who’d like to do Bible study with me (Yay!) I just started what I think might become my favorite part of the week–reading to dementia patients in our long term care facility. And tomorrow, I’m going to babysit for my pastor’s wife!

I love that I have so many relationships in this city I found myself surprisingly transplanted into six months ago.

But, like the rooms in my house, the new abundance of relationships has me somewhat overwhelmed.

I imagine I’ll “manage” them in the same way.

One at a time, taking time to love and be loved.

Laundry room picture

Basically, I’m overwhelmed by how rich and how full and how amazingly over-the-top my life is.

A year ago, I was in a completely different place, dreaming completely different dreams, having an awfully difficult time.

Today, I am in a town I’d never imagined I’d be in…
working at a job I never imagined I’d work at…
living in a home I never imagined I’d live in…
with relationships I’d never dreamed I’d have.

I’m simply overwhelmed with how full this life I never chose is…
and overwhelmed with thankfulness to the God who chose this life for me.