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Categories Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday: Help

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Due to Tirzah Mae’s clinginess at the end of last week, I delayed grocery shopping until the weekend (hoping that the clinginess would subside.) The clinginess continued, but Daniel agreed to come along and help out. And am I glad he did.

This week I’m thankful…

…for for Daniel’s help while shopping
He dropped me off at the library and sat in the car with Tirzah Mae while I ran in to drop off books and get new ones. He went in and bought our coffee (and some ground mustard) at the Spice Merchant while I stayed in the car with Tirzah Mae.

…that Daniel was with us when we got a flat tire
Yep. On our way from the Spice Merchant to ALDI, the passenger back tire went flat. Like, TOTALLY flat. It was undriveable, the rim was on the ground. But because Daniel was there and actually knows how to change a flat (versus me, who would have spent hours pouring over the owner’s manual trying to figure out just how to get the equipment out from under the seats), it wasn’t that terrible.

…for Oscar lending us a jack
One of the residents of the neighborhood we’d stopped in saw us systematically emptying our vehicle (Tirzah Mae’s big Diono Rainier had to be removed to get at the jack and tire iron and whatnot.) He came out to see what was up and loaned us his floor jack for Daniel to use while changing the tire. What a relief to not have to use the flimsy jack the vehicle is stocked with!

…for a full-size spare
If you’ve ever driven on a donut, you know the relief that is a full-size spare. We could drive comfortably through the rest of our errands, and even leave replacing the blown tire to a more convenient time this week instead of having to get it done that very moment.

…for Providence
Little trials such as these remind me of God’s providence. For every tribulation we face, a dozen more are forestalled. And even in our minor sufferings, God’s faithfulness can be clearly seen in every little (and big) help. May I ever be reminded, in those times when His providence is less visible, that His providence is nevertheless just as real.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”
~Psalm 28:7 (ESV)

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: Cut, Stapled, and Mended by Roanna Rosewood

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The first chapter includes a sex scene, bodily possession, and a token reference to “a woman’s right to choose”. So I think it’s safe to say that Roanna Rosewood and I have very different philosophies of life.

The rest of this VBAC memoir confirmed that. From the beginning I was inclined to not like Rosewood very much. I felt somewhat heartened when she told the reader that though she’d been raised in the mystic spirituality of the hippy 60’s, she had considered it useless as an adult – but she quickly found that particular brand of spirituality again. Rosewood also has a antipathy towards doctors that transferred from her hippy heritage – one that I don’t share (I’m squarely in the Western medical establishment – I just believe that for the majority of cases, childbirth is not a medical event.) Furthermore, Rosewood has a complete lack of discernment regarding alternate practitioners.

The short of Rosewood’s story is that she intended to have a homebirth but didn’t prepare her body at all because childbirth is natural and why did she need to learn about it? Her waters broke to start labor, but then labor piddled around for days until her midwife insisted that she did indeed need to go to the hospital. There, she received a c-section. She felt great failure, didn’t bond with her baby, etc. etc. I felt like she set herself up for what she got.

Determined to have a home VBAC, Rosewood threw herself into physical preparation and childbirth education. She learned the stats and became one of those annoying VBAC proponents (yes, I say this with tongue in cheek). She actually learned about the stages of labor and management techniques this time around. She walked like her midwife encouraged her to so she could have some strength and stamina when labor rolled around. And she engaged in every quack therapy you can think of (and some you can’t think of).

Her second labor followed the first’s example, and she ended up with a second c-section. This one was better, because she knew what to expect and had done some things to prepare. She had skin to skin, got started breastfeeding more quickly, etc. But it was still failure.

She didn’t plan to get pregnant the third time, it was an accident born of “goddess sex”. And she didn’t plan on keeping the baby, she just kept putting off taking the Plan B her doctor had prescribed. What she did plan was a home birth, acting expressly against the policy of the OB she was also seeing, in case she needed to deliver in the hospital. This pregnancy actually seemed more medically risky – she bled clots early on and had various other scary signs – but this time she did some inner work in addition to the physical stuff. She discovered that she was a bitter woman who pushed other women away, that she had never learned how to relax and just be, etc. So she went on a voyage of emotional and relational discovery (including a “goddess week” in Hawaii). Then she had a successful home birth when her inner goddess pushed for her.

I don’t recommend this story. Rosewood is a flake. Both her methods and her beliefs are highly suspect.

Which doesn’t mean that I didn’t have a takeaway. The truth is, childbirth isn’t simply a physical thing. A woman’s mind and emotions do impact the progression of labor – and it’s important to not ignore that. Relationship with your labor support is important. Having a goal beyond “not failing again” is important.

That said, there are many differences between Rosewood’s sections and mine. I do not feel my c-section was a failure. It was not forced on me, I chose it. While Rosewood experienced a very difficult labor after premature rupture of membranes, I never went into labor. Rosewood’s initial experience of premature rupture of membranes followed by stop and go labor was repeated in each of her pregnancies. At present, I have never gone through labor and have no reason to expect that my labor should not proceed normally.

I will be preparing for my first labor and delivery, which just happens to be after a c-section. Rosewood was trying to correct what she’d done wrong in her first labor and delivery in order to avoid the undesirable outcome she had. It’s a very different experience – and one that causes us to have very different mindsets from the outset.

Rating: 1 star
Category: Childbirth memoir
Synopsis: Rosewood tries for a home VBAC twice – and learns that childbirth isn’t just physical.
Recommendation: I don’t recommend it.

Categories Everyday Life, Faith

Powerful Dreams

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I watched paralyzed as she dunked my little brother again and again under the bathwater. He struggled and then went limp.

When at last she relented, he was alive but not alive.

My bundle-of-energy, always-sociable, never-without-a-grin-and-a-fresh-face-scrape brother was an automaton, going through the motions, but no longer with any sign of his former animation.

Then I awoke. It was two in the morning. I could check on him in his crib, but that wouldn’t do any good to reassure my troubled mind, my racing heart. When he was sleeping was the only time John didn’t display his characteristic energy – the energy the faceless old woman had robbed from him in my dream.

I went into the living room with my Bible, turned on a lamp, curled up in the couch and read. I started in Matthew. By the time I reached John, I had at last calmed enough to fall back asleep.

Nevertheless, the dream continued to haunt my future, when any ordinary occasion could make my heart race again with fear for my little brother.

Other times I dreamed of friends, family members sinning against me or against another loved one in terrible ways. I’d awaken knowing that it was only a dream, that nothing had happened, that my friend or family member was innocent of the nightmarish accusations. But I struggled nonetheless to avoid hurt, anger, and bitterness towards those who had offended in my dreams.

Yet other times, I dreamed that I was engaging in some illicit act, taking pleasure in evil. Even when I knew it was only a dream, that I had neither done the evil deed nor chosen the wicked contents of my dreams, I felt ashamed, guilty for what I’d done in my sleeping dreams, for how I’d enjoyed what I truly abhorred.

Dreams are powerful because they’re not under our control. They’re powerful because while they aren’t reality, while we can know they aren’t reality, we still experience them as reality while we dream – and still feel the effects of those experiences once we awaken.

I am usually a rational person. I like to think things out. I like to believe things based on thoughtful consideration. But dreams circumvent my thoughts and go straight to my emotions.

When I dream, I’m not relating to the world through what I know to be true. I’m relating to the world through my emotions. And when I wake up, those emotions, those responses are still there.

And just like when I first started dreaming these powerful dreams, the Word of God is the antidote.

It is insufficient for me to tell myself that my brother is fine, that my sister hasn’t done something horrific, that I haven’t rejoiced in something perverse.

Instead, I must steep myself in the character of God, in the reality of sin, and in the hope found in the cross of Christ.

In himself, my brother is a dead man walking, devoid of life. But in Christ, he is a new creation, a new creation such that neither disability nor death can rob him of life.

In herself, my sister is a sinner who offends against me and God and others. But in Christ, she is a saint who is being transformed more and more into the image of Christ.

In myself, I do indeed glory in the worst of debauchery. But in Christ, I was created for good works and delight to do God’s will.

Yes, I need to know that the dream is not reality. But even more, I need to know that sin is real – and the solution is real.

Christ died for sinners. For me, for my family, for faceless women who abuse children. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Me, my family, the person who tried to hurt us. No one can kill what God has made alive in Christ. Not me, not my family, not anyone.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

~Romans 8:38-39

That’s the truth, more powerful than any dream.

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: Vaginal Birth after Cesarean by Elizabeth Kaufmann

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What would you do if you had a cesarean with your first child and just happened to get pregnant with your second child when a national push to lower cesarean rates was forefront in everyone’s mind? Your doctor says you’re a good candidate for vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC), your HMO wants to pay less money (and is therefore rooting for vaginal birth), and societal pressure pushes you toward VBAC.

In Elizabeth Kaufmann’s case, she reluctantly agreed to a trial of labor with certain stipulations. The VBAC was successful, but the baby was delivered with forceps and Kaufmann experienced significant tearing.

Then, she wrote Vaginal Birth after Cesarean: The Smart Woman’s Guide to VBAC to keep other women from experiencing the horror of vaginal delivery.

Or at least that’s how this book seems. While Kaufmann does share some potentially useful information regarding cesarean sections, VBACs, and repeat cesareans, every page is infused with her experience and subsequent antipathy toward anyone suggesting that a woman who is a good candidate for VBAC should indeed go through a trial of labor.

Who does Congress, who does the HMO, who does the doctor think they are to tell a woman how she should give birth? Since when should medical standards or money be a factor?

But those are political topics that I won’t go into here.

The part that makes Kaufmann’s book most unhelpful to the modern-day mama who wants information about VBAC isn’t her obvious bias, though. It’s that the world Kaufmann is raging against doesn’t exist.

In 1996, when this book was written, VBAC was supported by medical policy and by insurance companies – and doctors were employing the same active management to VBAC as they were (and still are) to other vaginal deliveries. Women were being induced with Cytotec, Cervidil, and pitocin. Labors that weren’t progressing according to Friedman’s curve (an antiquated description of the labor process based on a significantly different population than today’s moms and describing labor under significantly different circumstances than either normal or currently managed labors) were augmented with Pitocin. Surprisingly (can you hear the sarcasm?), these women whose VBAC attempts were managed thus ended up with increased labor and delivery complications.

And, of course, the good people who write policies decided that meant VBAC wasn’t quite as good an idea as they’d originally thought, so they set new policies in place to make it hard to try a VBAC, much less to succeed at it.

And that’s where we’re at now.

Few women are being coerced by doctors or insurance plans into having unwanted vaginal deliveries. Instead, many women who would love to deliver normally and who have a good chance at being able to, were the natural processes allowed to unfold naturally, are being denied the possibility of VBAC.

So Kaufmann’s book is simply unhelpful. It is written to try to give women who were feeling coerced into VBAC an out – but women aren’t being coerced into VBAC these days. The situation is quite the opposite.

For those who are interested in the history of VBAC, the Well-Rounded Mama has an excellent overview

Rating: 1 star
Category: Medical/childbirth
Synopsis: Kaufmann has a chip on her should and rages against VBAC policies that no longer exist.
Recommendation: Singularly unhelpful for the modern woman interested in learning about VBAC.

Categories Recap

Recap (2015/06/13)

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In my spirit:

  • Reading and studying 1 Thessalonians – the Thessalonians get a bad rap from that “Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica” verse (Acts 17:11). The Jews of Thessalonica were hostile to the gospel, but God was still doing a wonderful work in Thessalonica, such that all the surrounding areas heard of the believers’ faith and were encouraged. That’s cool stuff.
  • Trying to be aware of how the enemy can use my emotions (through dreams) to impact my attitudes – and praying that I would be transformed by the renewal of my mind (Romans 12:2).
  • Thankful for the Titus 2 Women God has brought into my life, including a bloggy friend

In the living room:

  • I finally decided that I need to catalog my books so I can shop wisely at the used store – and I found a nice app that allows me to scan barcodes to enter (which means entering my first 120 books has been a snap, accomplished in just a few 5 minute segments)
  • Daniel and I watched The Bad and the Beautiful last night. I didn’t expect serious from a movie starring Lana Turner, but it turned out to be quite a drama about a cut-throat Hollywood producer. I enjoyed it.

In the kitchen:

  • A couple weeks ago, I resolved to not throw away food – we’ve done pretty well except for some bread, some strawberries, and some grapes, all of which went moldy.
  • On the other hand, I’m going crazy improvising new salads along old lines to use up bits of this and that – and really liked the results:
    • Improvised corn salad: Frozen corn, rough chopped fresh tomatoes, rough chopped avocado, finely diced red onion, and diced fresh zucchini drizzled with olive oil and lemon juice.
    • Improvised Caprese salad: Rough chopped fresh tomatoes, rough chopped fresh mango, rough chopped fresh strawberries, finely chopped fresh basil, a little feta cheese and a little Monterey Jack cheese drizzled with balsamic vinegar.
  • The sourdough starter I began last month is going strong and in the fridge, and I think I’ve maybe arrived at a good basic bread recipe using it.

In the nursery:

  • We have a roller. While Tirzah Mae has been rolling for a fair while now, this week she figured out that she can use it to transport herself anywhere – and she does, generally to the nearest source of paper (food, right?)
  • Avocado is officially the first food Tirzah Mae didn’t make faces for on first taste. (She’s now had bananas, peas, applesauce, nectarines, pears, strawberries, sweet potatoes, white potatoes, oatmeal, and i-don’t-remember-what-else.)
  • I’m not sure whether she’s coming down with something or if she’s teething or what – but the last couple of days have been pretry intense. She wants to eat (or at least be at the breast) every five minutes and won’t sleep more than a half hour at a time. Daniel paced with her for an hour and a half last night when she woke up screaming and wouldn’t take the breast.

In the craft room:

  • Nothing this week – see “In the nursery” :-)

In the library:
aka “Books added to TBR list”

In the garden:

  • I have officially learned that I should have put up my trellis BEFORE I planted. I finally gave up trying to put it on top of my raised bed and have satisfied myself with aligning it alongside the long edge – so my cucumbers and tomatoes will just have to lean a foot or so to reach the trellis
  • I’ve had to water this week for the first time all season. But it’s rained again the last couple of days – so who knows.

On the web:

  • 20 Thoughts on Honeymoon Sex for Virgins – I know it’s probably not applicable to my (mostly married) readers, but I thought this was an excellent article and one worth jotting down for if engaged friends ever ask for resources.
  • Finding Time to Read the Bible – Barbara gives excellent tips – useful for busy moms, caretakers, or really anyone.
  • Are You Letting Your Kids Walk All Over You? – This is something I see frequently, oftentimes excused as being “grace-filled” or “focusing on the important things”, but Jess makes an excellent point that moms are teaching their children how to treat others by how they do or do not let their children treat them. (If her honeymoon sex article is “file away to share with others”, this is “file away for when I need it.”)
  • Where Faith Goes to Die – An reflection on seminary and ecclesiastical meetings:

    But when the seminary’s subject matter is the sovereign, gracious Savior; when the primary textbook his living Word; and when that Word is taught and received by Christians who love and desire above all else to glorify the risen Christ – that kind of theological educational experience sings (sometimes literally!).”

May we all love and desire above all else to glorify the risen Christ – and may that cause us to dive deep into His word and to sing out His praises!

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: Isle of Swords by Wayne Thomas Batson

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“It’s an allegory of spiritual warfare,” they told me, when I questioned them about the book on the ledge in front of them.

“Okay,” I nodded. “Is it kinda like Frank Peretti’s stuff? Is there an author I’d recognize that he’s like?”

Their mother interjected, “I don’t know that you kids have read any Frank Peretti.”

I laughed, realizing I was dating myself – I was reading Frank Peretti two decades ago.

They suggested C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia as similar books.

I took their recommendation and checked Isle of Swords out of the church library.

It reminded me of Frank Peretti’s “Cooper Kids Adventure series”, which I read, well, 20 years ago. It did not at all remind me of C.S. Lewis.

Then again, I realized about halfway through that this title wasn’t a part of the trilogy they’d be recommending (Most likely “The Door Within Trilogy”). Reading the descriptions of Batson’s other books, I can see that this is certainly less allegorical than that series, although still a bit supernatural.

Isle of Swords tells the story of Captain Declan Ross, a sailor forced into piracy by a dearth of jobs after his stint in the Irish navy was over. He wants to get out of piracy, especially because his daughter Anne has decided the pirate’s life is the life for her – and he knows his dead wife would not approve. Getting out of piracy might be a hard task though, especially since he managed to raise the ire of Bartholomew Thorne, the most fearsome pirate on the sea. He might be lucky if he gets out with his life.

Nevertheless, he offers shelter to a badly beaten boy and then to a mysterious monk. As it turns out, these two might just hold the key to the treasure Ross needs to break free.

But Bartholomew Thorne wants the treasure – and Ross’s two refugees – too. Will the monk be able to lead Ross to claim the treasure of Constantine before Thorne gets him? Will the boy ever discover his identity? Will Anne be stuck in piracy as well?

I had a difficult time getting into this book at first – the first two chapters are backstory of a sort and served only to confuse me. I would have greatly preferred that the author had started with chapter three, giving the information in the first two chapters as flashbacks if needed (which I rather doubt.) Nevertheless, once I got past those first few chapters, I was pulled into the story and found it to be fun and engaging, even if it isn’t groundbreaking.

Published by Thomas Nelson, this is a clean book although only nominally Christian. Ross is a “noble pirate” who doesn’t kill needlessly or torture or take slaves – but he isn’t a believer (obviously). The story involves the purported treasure of Constantine, stolen from the Catholic church centuries ago, but stolen back by a group of priests who now guard it, using the treasure judiciously to fund mission work. These priests are regarded as holy men and one of them figures prominently in this story – but their Christianity seems merely a backdrop to the adventurous plot.

Nevertheless, parents could feel comfortable letting their early teens read this book, I think. It’s not a bad story and is entertaining.

Now, to find the series my young friends were actually recommending :-)

Rating: 3 stars
Category: Adventure novel
Synopsis: Declan Ross vows to protect a priest, who will give him a share of the legendary treasure of Constantine – but can he escape the dangerous pirate Bartholomew Thorne, who has a grudge against Ross and a hankering for the same treasure?
Recommendation: Clean, engaging, but not particularly groundbreaking. If you’re into adventure stories, it’s a decent one – otherwise, it’s nothing special.

Categories Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday: Friends

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Facebook informed me that National Best Friends Day was earlier this week – about the same time I was posting my rather self-pitying review of Nesting: It’s a Chick Thing, bemoaning my lack of friends.

And yes, it is true that I have not formed close friendships since moving to Wichita. I have met people, established some relationships – but haven’t developed those close, heart to heart, friendships I covet.

Even so, I am reminded this week of God’s mercy in what friendships I do have – and in the regular possibility of forming new friendships.

This week I’m thankful…

…for girly stuff with the girls
We generally all hang out as a group – several couples and a few single men. We enjoy Rachel’s happy food or Amy and Brian’s game days. But this time, Rachel and Amy decided to do a girl’s day. We enjoyed female fellowship, made roller bottles of essential oil blends, and ate girly food. It was a wonderfully relaxing morning.

…for fellowship with Matt and Megan and the opportunity to help them
Megan and I were due within a week of each other – except Megan went full term. We enjoyed comparing pregnancy stories and newborn stories, enjoying the similarities and differences between our daughters. Now their family is headed out of town, onto different things. We caught up a little before they left and had opportunity to help them pack some stuff up and clean the home they’re vacating. God has been good to give us their friendship thus far – and we pray God will bless them where they are now.

…for sitting with Alexa and DJ at church
We’ve seen them from the balcony a few times but haven’t been able to catch them at the end of services. But this time we passed each other the day before and determined to sit together. I’m glad to know they are well.

…for a girl who is eager to know us
We’ve sat near this family for months now, have greeted one another during the greeting time and sometimes talked before the service. I want to get to know the family better – they remind me of my own family when we kids were all still at home. But it’s awkward, trying to get connected. Sometimes I can feel discouraged, like connection (with them or other families) will never happen. But then the oldest daughter nearly runs over to talk with Tirzah Mae and I and I feel encouraged – we will develop friendships with families. It may take a while, but it will happen.

…for lunch with Dave and Kasey
It’s been a while since we caught up with their family and had lunch after church – but we did this week. With a few family members off on missions trips, the group was much smaller and more intimate than usual – allowing for good conversation among the whole crowd.

…for Tuesday Connection
This summer’s Bible study is populated largely by young moms – and while I don’t want to ONLY know other young moms, it is nice to meet more people who are at the same life-stage as I.

…for good conversation at Happy Food
Happy Food is always enjoyable. The food is always delicious, the conversation usually stimulating. But sometimes I engage more in true relationship and sometimes not. This week, I was reminded to be intentional about asking people about their lives instead of only engaging in the intellectual or witty repartee that is so common (and entertaining). It was good to hear of Rachel’s plans, to better know how to pray for and to encourage her.

…for hanging out with a new friend and her family
We met after Bible study a couple weeks ago and her kids were enthralled with Tirzah Mae. She invited me over – I accepted and we arranged a time. And it was delicious, just spending a leisurely afternoon chatting and playing.

Maybe I don’t have the deep friendships I long for (yet), but God has blessed me richly. And even when I haven’t had such a full life of human friendships, I’ve always had the friendship that endures:

“What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer”

Thank you, Lord, for demonstrating your friendship by laying down your life for me while I was yet an enemy. And thank you, Lord, for demonstrating your kindness by bringing these many other friends into my life.

Categories Homemaking, Work

Don’t try too hard

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Imagine having your boss greet you in the morning with: “Don’t try too hard to get things done today.”

What would you think of your boss? What would you think of your place of employment?

If you heard that someone else’s boss greeted them with that, what would you think of their boss? What would you think of their place of employment?

I think of city road maintenance crews. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how their bosses greet them every morning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a road maintenance crew try too hard to get things done. And everyone knows (right?) that government agencies have to use up their full budget by the end of the year in order to get a full budget for the next – so it’s in a government boss’s interest to waste money.

Certainly, I never heard that from my bosses when I worked in the private sector.

But, honestly, I’ve never heard that from my public sector bosses either.

No.

Bosses are interested in getting value out of their employees. They want their employees to work hard and get things done.

Sure, some bosses are better at motivating their employees to work hard and to accomplish things – but no employer would go so far as to tell their employees not to try too hard to get things done.

Except my boss right now.

My husband is not interested in getting as much hard work out of me as possible. That isn’t his goal for our home.

I’m not at home so I can be hyperproductive, so our home can be immaculate, so I can finish a to-do list a mile long. I’m not at home so my husband can arrive home to a harried, exhausted wife who is frustrated with not meeting her expectations of the ideal housewife. I’m not at home to be frustrated at our daughter for keeping me from completing my to-do list.

I’m not a homemaker so I can “get things done.”

Does that mean my husband was encouraging me to lie in bed all day long, to not rinse and wash the diapers, to not make him dinner, to not tidy the house? No. He was not encouraging me to idleness.

No, he was encouraging me to have perspective.

Because trying too hard to get things done makes me worse, not better, at my job.

It makes me impatient and unresponsive as a mother. It makes me frustrated and unhelpful as a wife. It makes our home a place of chaotic frenzy instead of peaceful rest.

Right now, I am called to fulfill a role (or several roles), not merely to complete tasks.

Which means I need to listen to my boss when he tells me not to try too hard to get things done. I need to stop and consider what is really important.

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: Nesting: It’s a Chick Thing by Ame Mahler Beanland & Emily Miles Terry

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Do you love to decorate, entertain, cook, and garden – all with a half dozen of your best friends in tow? Do you adore coming up with excuses for getting your girlfriends together to paint (nails or walls) and drink (wine or girlie drinks)? Do you like reading about the domestic arts?

Then you might like Nesting: It’s a Chick Thing by Ame Marhler Beanland & Emily Miles Terry.

Apparently, the authors have another book called It’s a Chick Thing: Celebrating the Wild Side of Women’s Friendship, and this is a riff on that.

I didn’t know this when I picked up this book. Didn’t know that a large focus of this book would be girlfriends.

I didn’t particularly enjoy that part.

I’ve had friends over the years, but close friends have been few and far between. I love entertaining “the girls” when I’ve got “the girls” to entertain. I like homemaking – it’s my full-time job just now – but I don’t really do it with anyone else.

Now is a rather solitary season for me, a fact that is melancholy when I think of it – and which is probably why I prefer not to think of it. This book didn’t allow me that luxury.

So, if you’re me, this is probably not the best option for you.

If, on the other hand, you’re eager to hear little anecdotes about a variety of women’s homemaking lives and how they do life along with their friends, or if you’re looking for new party ideas for girlfriend get-togethers, this might be an enjoyable book for you.

It’s an eclectic book in four parts covering four aspects of homemaking: decorating, entertaining, cooking, and gardening. It contains stories from the authors as well as excerpts from dozens of different women on each of the topics. It also contains craft ideas, recipes, suggestions for parties, and little blurbs on finding your gardening style or your man’s entertaining style. Vintage photos with snarky captions are sprinkled throughout.

It’s the sort of thing I generally enjoy, apart from the girlfriend aspect – but, in this case, the girlfriend aspect had it falling flat for me.

Maybe it’ll appeal to you more.

Rating: 2 stars
Category: Women’s Interest: Homemaking
Synopsis: Anecdotes and ideas from homemaking women – all about homemaking with your girlfriends.
Recommendation: Eh. I didn’t particularly care for it, but others might.

Categories Everyday Life, Technology

I don’t comment like I used to

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The advent of smart phones has brought with it plenty of advantages. My smart phone means I rarely double book myself, I always have my price book/grocery list handy, and I can pull up my weight history or blood pressure history at the doctor’s office without a problem.

On the other hand, it has affected how I use social media – and blogs.

Facebook’s app made it way too easy to spend hours on Facebook, since it would give me frequent notifications that my sisters-in-law had posted new photos of nieces or nephews. I would get onto Facebook to see the photos and end up spending another 15 minutes just scrolling through my newsfeed – multiple times a day.

Eventually, I decided to uninstall the app. I still access Facebook on my phone, but I do it through the browser. I visit when I choose to, instead of when a notification tells me to. I still see the notifications once I get to the website, so I don’t miss anything – I just choose when I’m going to see them (and how many times a day I’m going to waste time browsing.)

I still probably overuse Facebook on my phone, but it’s better than it used to be.

But what concerns me now isn’t my on-phone Facebook usage or the amount of time I spend connecting via Facebook.

What concerns me is my on-phone blog-reading – and how the phone experience keeps me from connecting when I’m reading.

You see, before social media became a big thing, there was this little thing called blogging. I did it. Lots of people did it. We wrote “posts” on our “blogs”. We read other people’s “posts” and we left “comments”. When other people read our “comments”, they visited our “blogs” and read our “posts” and left “comments” of their own. We developed relationships through this mutual sharing.**

This was what I did.

And then the phone came along.

It was a boon to blog reading, with it’s available-everywhere-Feedly app. I could read in the car (while Daniel is driving, of course), in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, while sitting on the loo (yes, you do it too.)

But it was a death-knell to commenting. To comment, I’d need to click on the title, wait while the browser opens, scroll down to the comment box, attempt to type a comment, and try to get past my phone auto-correcting the word-verification caption. All this with an oversized finger on a tiny screen.

Then there’s trying to continue the conversation. I subscribe to the comments feed on each post I comment on because I want to hear if the author says something back or if another commenter riffs on the same topic. It’s a way to be a part of the conversation. But to do that on the phone, I’d have to try to find the RSS feed, try to copy the URL, switch from the browser app to the Feedly app, and try to paste the URL into the subscribe area in the Feedly app. All this with an oversized finger on a tiny screen.

So I read my usual blogs and think of all sorts of things I’d love to chat with the blogger about via comments. I mark the post “unread” in Feedly, figuring I’ll go back and comment when I’m on the computer. But there’s rarely enough time to go back – and when there is time, it’s weeks later and the post is old and conversation no longer happening.

I don’t comment like I used to – and I think it’s sad.

**Side note: Was this explanation necessary? I’m not sure. As I observe it, blogging has a very different character nowadays than it did when I first started. The blogging I see now tends towards selling stuff (even if that’s selling your own story) versus sharing life. Developing relationships through blogging seems much less common, while “networking” via blogging is perhaps more common. Blogging is a business venture rather than a friendship.**