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Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: Grace-based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

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In Grace-based Parenting, Tim Kimmel argues that Christian parents are susceptible to two extremes in parenting: erasing the boundaries or drawing in the boundaries more tightly than they need to be. He critiques a variety of Christian parenting models (fear-based parenting, evangelical behavior-modification parenting, image-control parenting, high-control parenting, herd-mentality parenting, duct-tape parenting, and life-support or 911 parenting) before offering an alternative: grace-based parenting.

Grace-based parenting encourages parents to offer their children the same grace that God offers His children. It recognizes the boundaries actually found in Scripture but gives grace in the wide range of gray areas. Kimmel argues that a grace-based home recognizes and fulfills three needs children have and gives children four freedoms they require.

According to Kimmel, Children need three things: a secure love (that children don’t have to compete for or earn), a significant purpose (both general, specific, relational, and spiritual), and a strong hope. In order for a child to experience grace in the home, Kimmel suggests, he needs to be given four freedoms: the freedom to be different, the freedom to be vulnerable, and the freedom to make mistakes.

I have some quibbles with certain more specific parenting techniques Kimmel suggests (he suggests that parents should be willing to fund trends, but not fads – which seems a reasonable idea for those who are looking for a moderate way to manage the wardrobe demands or whatever of teens – but which belies the fact that some parents may choose to fund necessities, not fads OR trends), but his main points seem solid enough.

Well, except for his mainest of main points. He summarizes it thus at the end of the book:

“You have been singled out to do a favor for God. He is asking you to be His representative to a small but vital part of the next generation. He needs someone to be His voice, His arms, and His heart. He chose you.

He chose you to assist Him in a miracle. He gave you children and then said, ‘Now go, and give these precious lives meaning.’ It’s a mandate that comes with a great reward if you succeed, but a heavy price if you fail.

This is where many parents panic. When they realize that their job is to raise up children to love and serve God, they wonder how on earth they will do that.

The answer isn’t on earth. It’s found in heaven. It’s sitting on an eternal throne. He has many names, but among my favorites is ‘The God of Grace.’ You wonder, How am I to raise up children to love and serve God? The answer is actually not that difficult. You simply need to treat your child the way God treats you.

He does it in His grace

And here’s the good part. If the only thing you get right as parents is His grace, everything else will be just fine.

I hardly know where to begin in detailing everything that’s wrong with this passage – but I’ll begin with what I see as the most glaring mistake: the assumption that somehow parents are responsible for giving their children’s lives meaning – and that they must be perfect reflections of God’s grace in order to do so. The truth is, it is God who gives our children’s lives meaning. It is He who causes them to love and serve Himself. Our children’s meaning in life and pursuit of God is not dependent on our reflecting grace perfectly to them but on God pouring out His own inexplicable grace on them.

Yes, parents who have received grace should lavish grace on their children – but not out of fear. Instead, our motivation should be to give what we have freely been given.

The answer to how our children will learn to love and serve God is not “found in heaven” in our imitation of God, but is found in God Himself. Yes, parents should imitate God, but first they should bask in the grace they have received from God, and trust Him to graciously call His children to Himself, even as they fail (again and again) at modeling his grace to their children.

Rating: 3 stars
Category: Christian parenting
Synopsis: Tim Kimmel offers an alternative to legalistic Christian parenting models by encouraging parents to extend the same grace to their children that God offers to them.
Recommendation: Valuable information on how to parent with grace – as long as parents already have a good grasp on the grace God has extended to them (because I don’t think Kimmel does a good job AT ALL of extending grace to parents, who will inevitably fail to reflect grace to their children, and who need above all to recognize that it is God’s grace, not their own, that will save their children.)

Categories Pregnancy, Work

You don’t LOOK pregnant

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I hear it often enough that I sometimes feel like yelling.

“You’re not even showing,” they tell me – and I know they mean well. When the time comes that I look like I’ve swallowed a beach ball, I’ll be glad for the days when I “wasn’t even showing.”

Truth is, I weigh more than I’ve ever weighed in my life. My belly has definitely expanded. Baby jabs at me day in and day out. What do you mean I’m not even showing?

What makes it even odder is how those who know me well are absolutely certain that I AM showing. My sister tells me “Anyone who knows how stable your weight is has to know that you’ve been gaining.”

Which is probably what explains things. Those who know me and have seen me regularly know that this current weight, this current distribution of weight is far from normal for me – those who don’t see just an average looking woman (not necessarily a pregnant one.)

As frustrating as it can be to be disbelieved when I announce that I’m due in December, it really came in handy with one client I saw last week.

Now, I generally don’t discuss my own pregnancy with clients. They’re in my office to discuss their pregnancies – and while my own pregnancy can help me empathize, that doesn’t mean that they need to (or want to) know the details of my pregnancy.

But this young woman was in the first trimester of her first pregnancy and was nearly thrown into a panic when her friend told her she didn’t look pregnant.

I tried to reassure her that every woman is different and shows at different times – but that many women don’t show until the fourth month or so, especially in their first pregnancy.

My client tried to believe me, I could tell, but she was still worried.

I stood up and smoothed my skirt over my bump.

“I don’t know if you could tell,” I told her, “but I’m in my fifth month.”

Her jaw dropped open and she gasped. “You don’t LOOK pregnant,” she said.

Exactly my point.

She got it – and told me before she left that she’s looking forward to seeing me again once I do start showing.

Categories What's on Your Nightstand?

Nightstand (August 2014)

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This month’s nightstand is pretty disorganized because… I’m not sure exactly why. But does it really matter? Suffice to say that you’re getting photos of the books I currently have out of the library, but they’re not in any specific order. I’ve started some, browsed others, and haven’t looked at still others. I might read some of them before next month. I might not.

This month, I read:

  • The Wonder Years by Tanya Remer Altmann (editor)
    The American Academy of Pediatrics guide to your baby, toddler, and preschooler’s development. Overall, a fascinating book and one I greatly appreciate since I get a lot of moms asking me “is this normal?” (Of course, I only reassure if I know for sure that it is normal – and encourage them to talk to their child’s doctor if they have concerns.) On the other hand, this book could have been copy-edited much better – there were several distracting incidents of subject/verb disagreement that rather drove me nuts. Also, the section on ADHD was laughable. The author declares that there is no objective way to diagnose ADHD but then declares that “it is a biological disorder.” Really? That’s very confidence inspiring. (Not that I don’t think there isn’t any such thing as ADHD, but without some sort of objective criterion and biological mechanism, I find it hard to announce that it is biological. I suppose in some ways, it might be similar to depression, which many state is a biological disorder based on the knowledge that certain drugs can help it – but at least there’s an objective criterion my doctor uses to determine whether I’m experiencing major depression or not before he prescribes my drugs.)
  • Behold Williamsburg by Samuel Chamberlain
    Photos and commentary on Colonial Williamsburg from the 1940s. I can’t wait to go and see how things have changed and stayed the same!
  • He Who Saw Everything: The Epic of Gilgamesh retold by Anita Feagles
    A children’s version of the tale, published in 1966, this retelling features occasional friezes and occasional folded paper illustrations in the Sumerians style. It’s interesting how the author chooses to tell the particularly lascivious parts of the story story. Makes me wonder how I would retell the story if I ever decide to act on the idea I had to retell some myths (and have my talented sister-in-law illustrate them.)
  • Cousin Kate by Georgette Heyer
    Another delightful Heyer title – this one with some Gothic overtones. I enjoyed the story of an independent but destitute niece gone off to live with her benevolent but secretive aunt only to discover that something is definitely amiss in the ancient household.
  • The Insider’s Guide to Williamsburg and Virginia’s Historic Triangle
    Getting excited for this trip!
  • Don’t Throw that Out! A Pennywise Parent’s Guide to Creative Uses for Over 200 Household Items by Vicky Lansky
    As if I needed any encouragement to not discard something potentially reusable. Honestly, there were maybe a handful of decent reuses for stuff that would otherwise be trash – most were “turn on the vacuum to get baby to sleep” kinda stuff. Meh.
  • What to Expect when You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff
    Interminably long, generally dry, biased toward medicated birth. There are better general introductions to pregnancy, even if this is the most popular.
  • Parenting Magazine’s Baby Must-Haves
    Another groan-inducing volume for inducing parents to buy way too much for their new baby.

Books out of the library this month

Working on:

  • The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoeyevsky
    Reading along with the Reading to Know Classics Book Club – and definitely not going to finish anytime this month.
  • Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
    Almost done reading this and discussing it with my sister-in-law. Lots of thought-provoking material.
  • 1628 Country Shortcuts from 1628 Country People by Roy Reiman
    Because I like that sort of thing.

Books out of the library this month

On the docket for next month:

  • The Princess and the Goblin by George MacDonald
    I’m hosting September’s Reading to Know classics book club selection – and I’m delighted that we’ll be reading George MacDonald’s The Princess and the Goblin. After so much pregnancy reading (and while I’m working my way through the rest of Brother’s Karamazov), it’ll be nice to relax with a meaningful children’s fantasy. I hope many more of you join me this month at Reading to Know!

Don’t forget to drop by 5 Minutes 4 Books to see what others are reading this month!

What's on Your Nightstand?

Categories Everyday Life, Reflections

Am I becoming boring?

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Blogging becomes increasingly hard – not because I don’t have anything to say, but because I fear I don’t have anything to say that anyone wants to read.

My days feel one dimensional – all caught up in pregnancy and work, work and pregnancy.

I go to work – where I talk to pregnant women, breastfeeding women, mothers of young children. I teach them how to be healthy during pregnancy, breastfeeding, feeding a family. I come home from work – where I try to be healthy during my own pregnancy. I retreat to the basement where it’s cooler for my evening workout. I grab a book and read more about healthy pregnancy, healthy delivery. I talk to my husband and fear I’m becoming a broken record, telling yet another story about how the book I’m reading is wrong about pregnancy nutrition or about how the clients I see don’t get it until I explain it to them a different way or how frustrated I am that I’m not the superwoman I wish I was.

Even the non-pregnancy related stuff finds a way to revolve around pregnancy.

Getting laundry done becomes all about making sure there are enough underwear that fit (I’ve graduated to men’s boxer briefs – which are much more comfortable than ladies underthings). It’s all about which dresses still fit my figure.

Cooking revolves around pregnancy – both my energy levels related to pregnancy and alternately trying and not trying to fit my intake into the ridiculous “Brewer diet” encouraged by the Bradley method. I spend way too much of my days internally grumbling about the diet, about how I’m going to gain too much weight because of it, and how it’s so darn much work. And I grumble more because even though I’m not a preschooler, I still want stickers for a job well done – even when I know as a dietitian that the Bradley prescribed diet is far from healthy for pregnancy.

Reading is all about pregnancy, childbirth, baby care. Crafting is preparing baby stuff.

And I wonder – if I’m already becoming this boring *before* the baby comes and I’ve quit my job, what will I be like as a housewife?

I fear more than just boring others. What if I become so myopic that I bore even myself?

It’s exciting and it’s scary, this new season we’re entering into.

Categories Pregnancy, Theology

Is Painless Childbirth Possible?

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I think it was Dr. Bradley who stated that pain is not a necessary part of childbirth – and claimed that stating that pain *is* necessary to childbirth is a misapplication of Genesis 3.

But I don’t think a plain reading of Scripture supports that view:

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.”
~Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

In fact, I think a plain reading suggests that pain was likely a part of childbearing even prior to the fall – since this verse refers to multiplication (which implies something pre-existing to multiply – multiplying by 0 doesn’t make anything). And certainly, it clearly states that woman will bring forth children in pain.

Furthermore, plenty of other Scriptures indicate that pain is a normative experience during childbirth. A frequent simile used by the prophets is “pain like a woman in labor” (Psalm 48:6; Isaiah 13:8, 21:3, 42:14; Jeremiah 6:24, 22:23, 49:24, 50:43; Micah 4:9). Jesus spoke of “birth pains” (Matthew 24:8, Mark 13:8) and of the “sorrow” and “anguish” of a woman in labor (John 16:21). The apostle Paul likened his painful toils for the church to the anguish of a woman in labor (Galatians 4:19). Other references that suggest that pain in childbirth is normative include I Samuel 4:19 (her “pains came upon her”), Isaiah 26:17 (“writhes and cries out in her pangs”), Jeremiah 4:31 (“cries” and “anguish” as of a woman in labor), Jeremiah 48:41 and 49:22 (“birth pains”), Jeremiah 13:21 and Hosea 13:13 (the “pangs” of childbirth), Micah 4:10 (“writhe and groan like a woman in labor”), Romans 8:22 (pains of childbirth), and I Thessalonians 5:3 (“labor pains”).

Other Scriptures imply that childbirth is something that requires great strength. The midwives who cared for the Hebrew women in Egypt stated that they weren’t killing the baby boys they were delivering “because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women, for they are vigorous and give birth before the midwife comes to them.” (Exodus 1:19 ESV) The Hebrew women’s vigor meant that their labors were fast enough (apparently) that the midwife didn’t get there in time to assist. Hezekiah spoke (in 2 Kings 19:3 and Isaiah 37:3) of children coming to the point of birth but mothers not having the strength to deliver them.

From my reading of Scripture, it seems plain that childbirth is indeed labor (work) and that it is generally painful labor.

Yet I am not afraid of childbirth, nor do I wish to blunt the pain of childbirth with drugs. Why is this?

Am I playing martyr, arguing against the umbrella that could guard me from this consequence of the fall?

No. I’m not. I expect pain in childbirth, but I’m not going to shy away from it because I believe two things: I believe that pain in childbirth is purposeful and I believe that it has payoff.

While some pain has no apparent purpose (for instance, in fibromyalgia), most pain does have a purpose. The pain of touching a too-hot stove tells us to withdraw our hand before damage is done. The pain of backache or a strained muscle often tells us to change our posture or our activity patterns. Other times pain simply tells us that our body is working. We feel the “burn” when we’re exercising vigorously. And, when having a baby, we feel pain that lets us know that our uterus is contracting to push baby out. If we know what to look for, pain also tells us when we should be actively working with our bodies’ involuntary impulses to push baby out.

And finally, I believe that the pain of labor has payoff.

“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.”
~John 16:21 (ESV)

Following the pain of childbirth comes great joy – joy in a new human being. Inasmuch as it depends on me, I want to be fully there and fully aware to experience that joy – even if it means I have to endure additional pain leading up to it.

Categories Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday: Trials may last for a night

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Thankful Thursday banner

It hasn’t been an awful week, but it hasn’t been a wonderful one either. It’s been a weary week, one full of large and small frustrations that tempt me to take my eyes off Christ and place them on myself. But God in His mercy gives that glimmer of light amidst the valleys that reminds me that He’s still in control, still walking alongside me, still gracious and merciful.

This week I’m thankful…

…that water dries
I dutifully took my medicine when Daniel told me to, but my early-morning coordination was lacking and I spilled almost half my water bottle all over the bed. But Daniel let me sleep the rest of the morning on his side of the bed while a towel soaked up the water on my side (Daniel usually wakes me up to take my medicine when he gets up, then lets me sleep another hour before he brings me breakfast – since I have to wait an hour after the medicine to eat anyway.) Between the towel soaking and a fan on the sheets later on, the bed was dry in time for bedtime that evening.

…that the waves and wind – and, with some coaxing, my soul – still know who’s in control
We weren’t arguing, but we were having a spirited discussion about the use of civil courts vs. college judicial boards for allegations of rape on college campuses. We discuss things like that regularly – it’s one of the things I love about my marriage, the intellectual conversations we have about just about anything. But this particular morning, after Daniel left for work, my soul was disquieted within me. I grabbed Daniel’s hymnal from the shelf and opened to “Be Still My Soul.” With coaxing, my soul learned who rules the earth below.

…for an end to work craziness
Since we schedule 3 months out in our WIC clinic, we have a hard time adjusting when we lose staff – so although our site’s supervisor gave notice, that didn’t mean that we didn’t feel the extra busyness after her last day. However, a nurse from another clinic was hired as a new supervisor and she starts next Monday! It’ll still be a while before the craziness in our books sorts itself out, but this is the beginning of the end (of no time to breathe, much less chart in between clients.)

…for a big kick reminding me that dreams are not reality
I dreamt that our baby was stillborn – and even though I know that dreams aren’t reality, it still bothered me. I practiced deep breathing, read some Psalms. And my belly jumped with an undeniable kick, reminding me for real that dreams are not reality.

…for getting through the first few weeks
Bradley classes did not get off to a good start for us (let’s just say that I have some serious issues with the “Brewer Diet” that the Bradley method – and apparently several other natural childbirth methods – promotes.) But after one week in tears and another close to tears (I think I hid them fairly effectively until we got to the car), it was a relief to move on to the actual childbirth material in week 3.

“Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.”
~Psalm 30:4-5 (ESV)

Categories Book Notes, Pregnancy

Everybody do the doula with me…

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When I learned at age fourteen that homebirths were officially illegal in Nebraska (or, at least, that it was illegal for midwives to attend homebirths), I struck midwife from my list of potential careers. I started almost immediately to look for alternatives and was delighted at seventeen to learn of this thing called a doula – a woman who helps women during labor. I looked up all the requirements for being certified with DONA (the doulas of North America) and contemplated becoming a doula many a time.

But when I got pregnant, hiring a doula was the last thing on my mind – it didn’t even cross my mind.

When our midwife and her student midwife mentioned the value of doula care at our meet and greet, I blew it off and wouldn’t have thought about it again except that my husband asked me later if we shouldn’t include doula fees in our pregnancy budget.

I don’t think I need one of those, I told him. Diedre and Cynthia will be there and you’ll be there.

But Diedre sounded like she really encourages women to have doulas, he replied. I promised him I’d think about it. I checked The Doula Advantage by Rachel Gurevich out of the library to help me think through doula care.

What I read did little to convince me. It seemed to me like the biggest advantage of doula care is having someone in between you and the medical staff, someone who can help you ask questions and make informed decisions, someone who is going to know your hopes for the birth and help you have the birth experience you want. That’s all great and I think it’s probably vital if you’re giving birth in a hospital (where protocols are king and the chances that your caregivers know your wishes are slim) – but I’m going to be giving birth at home, with a midwife I’ve been visiting with for my entire pregnancy. I don’t need someone else there.

Then, I started reading birth stories and my sensitive first-trimester belly churned. It wasn’t the birth stories themselves that made me sick to my stomach – few can match my excitement over dilation and amniotic fluid and crowning and women who press through back labor. I love me some birth stories – and have since I discovered my parents’ copy of Special Delivery (a 1970s homebirth manual complete with the birth story and photos of the author’s daughter Mariposa) some fifteen (or more) years ago. No, what was making me sick to my stomach was all the people in these stories. There were doctors and nurses and husbands and doulas and best friends and children, oh my! All I could think was “make all these people leave!”

Diedre asked me at our meet and greet if I’d consider an unassisted homebirth – and I told her no without reservation. (EDIT: On rereading, I realize this requires clarification. My midwife was NOT suggesting that I have an unassisted homebirth; instead, she was trying to clarify what I meant when I spoke of my philosophy that childbirth is a natural process and that intervention is usually unnecessary.) I want to have someone present at my delivery who has experience with birthing women and who can share the wisdom of birthing with me. I want someone there who knows what constitutes an emergency and what to do in an emergency. I want a midwife there.

But that’s not to say that I really even want the midwife intruding much. Really, I just want to give birth on my own terms. I want as much privacy as possible to labor my way – and to cling to my husband as we labor our way. I don’t want an audience. (I may not be the most private person, but I am a very independent one – and having a whole lot of people around during delivery is not my idea of fun.)

Having read The Doula Advantage, I was pretty sure I don’t want a doula. That said, I promised Daniel that I’d discuss it in greater depth with Diedre and Cynthia.

I did and was greatly relieved when Diedre informed me that, while a doula is generally beneficial for most women, I should go with my gut here. (She did, of course, clarify that she and Cynthia may NOT be able to provide doula-like coaching care for the entirety of my delivery – because they need to focus on providing midwife care. And that’s just fine with me!)

Did you have a doula when you delivered? Did you prefer to labor in private or did you want lots of people around? Wanna share your birth story? I’d love to hear it (and I promise I’m getting that gag reflex under control.)

Categories Book Notes

Book Notes: Paranoid Parenting (Part 5)

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I’m mostly writing notes to evaluate Furedi’s arguments and add my own thoughts. If you’re interested, you can check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4. This will be the last of these posts since I’ve finally taken the book back to the library.

Chapter 5: Parenting Turned into an Ordeal
Furedi says: More and more parents are complaining that they have insufficient time to parent – despite the fact that today’s parents spend more time with (and actively involved with) their children than any other parents in the previous century spent with theirs. Society has taken off the rose-colored glasses that suggest that parenting is a walk in the park, but they’ve replaced them with “parenting as an ordeal” lenses.

I say: Yep. The expectation of parental involvement has grown and grown – such that parents feel an undeniable pressure for quality *and* quantity time with their children. For the record, my parents spent a lot of time with us kids growing up – but only a small segment of that time was parent-directed. Mom and Dad actually had conversations with one another while we were all sitting in the living room in the evening. Mom read books to herself while we kids played on the floor. She hoed the garden while we kids played in the backyard. She didn’t feel compelled to create sensory bins and learning activities and structured play times (not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but they aren’t a litmus test for good parenting.)

Chapter 6: Why Parents Confuse their Problems with Those of their Children
Furedi argues that now, more than ever, children are a part of their parents’ identity – and parenting advice is more focused than ever on changing adult behavior. Furedi believes the “competitive parenting” is an outgrowth of this confusion of parental identity with childrens’ identities. The most interesting suggestion Furedi makes in this chapter (from my point of view) is that, as adult relationships are increasingly fragile and temporary (due to increased impermanent cohabitation, high divorce rate, etc.), adults are more frequently turning to their children as the most permanent relationship in their lives. Thus, the relative perceived returns of investing in their children versus in a spouse or romantic partner have increased. Parents are now, more than ever, investing in an emotional relationship with their children out of a presumption that this is the one relationship that they can count on for the rest of their lives.

It’s a fascinating hypothesis, although difficult to prove or disprove empirically. Nevertheless, I wonder if some parents’ difficulty in letting their adult children “leave” to cleave to another is in part due to this co-mingling of a parent’s and a child’s identity.

I believe strongly in the permanence of marriage. Daniel and I will be married until one or the other of us dies. He is the one with whom my identity has been mingled (…and the two shall become one…) I will fight to keep my marriage as the central human relationship of my life.

But I still wonder how easily I might fall into the trap that my children’s behavior represents my success or failure at parenting. I have plenty of strong ideas about how things should or shouldn’t be done. I spend my days teaching parents how to alter their own behavior so that their kids won’t be fat (or will be less picky or will gain weight or…) So what happens if I end up with a fat, picky, or underweight child? Will I consider my identity so wrapped up in my child’s that this will devastate me? I don’t know. Or what if I have a child who doesn’t like to read? I don’t know.

I pray God would give me grace to parent well, not in order to bolster my own self-image, but as a faithful steward of the children God gives me.

Categories Books, Pregnancy

Bumps and Books

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My siblings have been bugging me for baby bump photos – and, while I’ve been taking them for a while now, I hadn’t yet gone through them and prepared them for posting.

But when Carrie announced her 8th Blogiversary and invited readers to link up with a picture of them with their favorite book (thereby entering them in a drawing for a $50 Amazon gift card), I knew that I had to get busy. Obviously, this would be a perfect opportunity to please my siblings – and let me participate in Carrie’s fun giveaway (which would be a fun meme even if there weren’t a giveaway attached.)

Week 19’s picture would have to feature both my bump and my favorite book. But first, you’ll have to scroll through the prior weeks. Sorry ’bout that. Gotta please the sibs first, you know :-)

Week 12: In which I don’t look pregnant

Week 12

Which was just fine with me since we weren’t planning on telling the general public for another two weeks.

Week 13: In which I have awful posture

Week 12

Apparently, I need to have my glasses on in order to know how to stand up straight. Who knew?

Week 14: In which the front of my shirt hangs higher than the back
Week 14

Oh wait. That’s the way it has hung since I was twelve.

Week 15: In which I think “Why didn’t her mother tell her to tuck in that pooch?”

Week 15

How often have I complained about how girls these days haven’t learned to tuck their tummies in and their tushes under? Guilty as charged.

Week 16: In which I might just really be pregnant

Week 16

After looking through all these photos today and trying desperately NOT to arch my back for my Week 19 photo, I have decided that this must be my new pregnancy posture. So I can’t tell if this is really a belly or if it’s just the result of this new (and completely weird to me) posture.

Week 17: In which an honest picture (where I’m not arching my back?) shows no bump?

Week 17

How pregnant I look varies widely based on my clothing. If I’m wearing a tightly fitting shirt, you can see the rise of a belly under my chest – if it’s a looser one like this, you can’t see anything.

Week 18: In which I lift my shirt to see if I actually look pregnant or if it’s the billowy shirt

Week 18

I think it’s mostly just the billowy shirt. But my midwife says my uterus is just the right size – and I’ve actually gained a little over the recommended amount at this point (just all on my chest and thighs rather than my belly).

Week 19: In which I show off my favorite book.

Week 19

I know, that’s more than a favorite book. But really, how does one decide?

My favorites include the Bible, The Mysterious Benedict Society, Little Town on the Prairie, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and Pride and Prejudice.

Daniel insisted that I also take some photos without the books for continuity’s sake – but I actually think the books do a better job of showing exactly what is bump and what is not (since my dress doesn’t exactly fit my form)!

Categories Health, Pregnancy

Having a Healthy Pregnancy (Part 1.0)

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Having made my way through the first trimester, I have officially decided that the key to having a healthy first trimester is surviving.

If you’d been establishing some healthy habits in preparation for pregnancy, you’re well set up for this first trimester. You don’t need to really focus on adding anything – just on managing symptoms.

The most common first trimester complaints (in my experience as a WIC dietitian) are nausea and vomiting, fatigue, constipation, heartburn, and frequent urination.

I experienced all but heartburn (and help women with all five on a regular basis), so I do have a few tips for you.

Surviving Nausea and Vomiting

One of the most important things you can do to manage nausea is eat. Oftentimes, nausea is worse when blood sugars drop too low (baby is pulling a steady stream of glucose from your blood) – so small frequent snacks that keep your blood sugars up (but not too high) are useful. Try to include as many food groups as you can in these snacks throughout the day, and add a protein food (peanut butter, yogurt, cheese, eggs, nuts, seeds, etc.) if you can stomach it to help modulate your blood sugar response (protein helps your blood sugar rise slowly and not dip low after the rise.) If you generally have nausea first thing in the morning, keeping some crackers or dried fruit beside the bed to eat before you get out of bed might be helpful. If you’re throwing up just about anything, don’t worry too much about the variety, just eat anything you can hold down.

Some women experience nausea and vomiting when taking their prenatal vitamin. If this is you, taking the prenatal with food or at night may help.

Other women find that odors give them problems. Some techniques for managing odors include trying cold foods instead of hot (the odor isn’t as intense that way), opening a window or turning on a fan to get air moving, taking a walk somewhere away from the odors, and having a “masking odor.” Occasionally get a whiff of BO while you’re shopping that sends you running for the bathroom? Carry a handkerchief with a non-nausea-inducing odor (essential oils or even cooking extracts – some women find lemon, vanilla, or mint to be soothing) on it and delicately dab your nose as you walk past.

Surviving Fatigue

Lower your standards. You’re working hard growing a baby – some things are going to slide. Enlist help with dishes, groceries, whatever. Don’t start ambitious projects. Work to establish good sleep habits. Fatigue most likely won’t last through the entirety of pregnancy – although most women do experience it during the first trimester (and many during the last as well.)

Surviving Constipation

Before I got pregnant, I didn’t spend much time discussing this with my clients. They’d check on their diet questionnaires that they were experiencing constipation but I didn’t bring it up in conversation – and neither did they. Now that I’ve experienced constipation during pregnancy (even if only for two weeks), I bring it up if it shows up on their questionnaire. It’s TERRIBLE.

If you’re constipated, your number one priority is getting unstuck. While you might be tempted to spend a lot of time straining on the toilet, this can lead to unexpected and undesirable consequences (like hemorrhoids). For now, go to the bathroom when you feel like you have to but don’t sit there if there’s no urge. When you do get that urge, squatting on the toilet seat is actually a better approach for getting hard stool out (as opposed to sitting on the seat with your feet on the floor.) In between the urges to go, eat fruits and vegetables and whole grains, drink lots of water, and get moving around. Physical activity (taking a walk or dancing a while) can get your bowels moving. Sitting in a squatting position with your feet flat on the ground and your butt hanging near the floor behind you lets gravity help things out. Fiber and water bulk up and soften your stool. If you’ve already been doing these things and they’re not helping, adding in some apple or prune juice or prunes and raisins can serve as natural stool softeners. Other women find that a little coffee works well as a bowel stimulant (keep it at about 1 cup a day – moderation is important here.) If you’ve been taking an iron supplement or a prenatal with iron, talk to your doctor about switching to an iron free prenatal or taking a single iron supplement just a couple times a week instead of iron with your prenatal daily. If none of the above are helping, talk to your doctor about an appropriate over-the-counter stool softener or laxative. Remember, you only want to use medication as a last defense to get you moving – and then you want to rely on diet and activity to keep things moving from there.

Surviving Heartburn

This is the one I haven’t dealt with much, for which I consider myself fortunate.

For those that are struggling with heartburn, it’s valuable to eat small amounts frequently (rather than large meals only occasionally). Find your trigger foods and avoid them. Many women find that spicy or greasy foods trigger heartburn. Avoid caffeine and mint, both of which relax the sphincter (closure) between the stomach and the esophagus. Drink a little milk with your meals to help neutralize the stomach acid. And avoid lying down within a half hour to hour after eating.

Surviving Frequent Urination

Drink lots of water. Does that sound counterintuitive? It is – and it probably won’t really make you go to the bathroom any less. But it’ll help ensure that you don’t end up with something worse: dehydration or a urinary tract infection. Go ahead and go when you have the urge – and contact your doctor if you have burning with urination. Frequent urination is a bother, but it’s not actually a bad thing – just go with the flow on this one.

Does anyone else have any great tips for handling these first trimester woes? I’m always eager for more suggestions to share with my clients!