The Betsy Kitchen

The process of arranging my belongings into Daniel’s house (which I have affectionately named Betsy) has been a long one.

Betsy is small and both Daniel and I have a lot of stuff.

It took me four weeks to declare the first room of the house (the kitchen) done (and even now, there’s plenty I’d like to do with Betsy’s kitchen at some point.)

Future plans notwithstanding, I feel a little surge of joy every time I walk into Betsy’s kitchen-the joy of knowing that things are in order.

My kitchen

While Betsy’s kitchen is Tiny (note the capital “T”), it does have the advantage of having cupboards all the way to the ceiling. I can’t say how much I appreciate this. The little corner shelves are an additional plus–in this case, they’re holding my super-abundant drink stuff (coffee/tea/hot chocolate).

My kitchen

The kitchen has an angled sink–which means there’s a triangle of only partly usable space behind it. Initially, this was a repository for recyclables, paint brushes in jars, and pretty much anything else that didn’t have a home. I cleaned it up, found a home for everything (or moved it to another room until a home can be found for it), and placed a cheery red fruit dish in the empty space.

My kitchen

The ladies in Columbus showered me with money with which to purchase a pantry–and boy, is it wonderful to have one. We bought a standard-issue fiberboard cupboard and Daniel cut me some additional shelves for it. It’s nice to have all my dry goods (flour and sugar and beans and rice and…) all together in one place. Thanks ladies!

I didn’t intend for the kitchen’s color scheme to end up turquoise and red–but when I got to the top of the fridge, I knew I wanted something to corral the miscellaneous items that make their way up there. Rooting through my belongings, I found two turquoise tubs (one from my Missionette’s days, one from a shower I gave for my sister-in-law) and a red bowl. If Pinterest is any indication, the scheme is something of a retro-mod fad these days–so I might just be unintentionally fashionable.

You can see one of those “projects to get done at some point” on the left side of the fridge. We want to build a very narrow shelf for canned goods in that space–but, until it’s done, I have boxes and boxes of home canned food stacked in that space.

My kitchen

There’s another of those little shelf units on the stove side of the room–and I’ve filled it with my cookbooks. For the most part, this works well, but I occasionally find myself losing a cookbook off the end. I really ought to put some of those cheapo bookends on my gift registry–but I’m incredibly lazy about updating said registry. Maybe…actually, how about I go do that now…

My kitchen

This last picture of the kitchen shows both the progress that we’ve made and the progress yet to be made. Before I came, there was a door attached to that doorway. The door opened toward the sink. The sink had absolutely no counter space beside it for dirty dishes. As a result, all dirty dishes were piled in the sink.

Now, I know a lot of women (and men) pile their dirty dishes in the sink as a matter of course–but I’m not too into that. In MY kitchen, I like to have my sink free to be used. I want to be able to fill a pan, soak a dish, peel potatoes, or fill up my sink with soapy water to do dishes WITHOUT having to empty the sink of dishes first. Which meant that getting something that could hold dirty dishes was a priority for me.

We ended up buying a little rolling cart that fits in the space between the sink and the doorway (we removed the door to make it fit). I can move the cart around the kitchen if I want to use it as an extra prep surface–and it gives me extra drawer/cabinet space underneath. The rolling aspect is pretty important, since the doorway gets a bit tight with it in place.

Of course, you can also see through the doorway down the steps–and see that I still have plenty of work to do getting the rooms apart from the kitchen in order.

But it’s nice to have a start.

I’m quite pleased with my Betsy kitchen.


Thankful Thursday: Great Timing

Thankful Thursday banner

“A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.”
~Gandalf, from J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring

I’ve also heard it said that while God is never late, He is rarely early. He provides for our needs as we need them, not quite as we want them. He urges us to pray that He provide our daily bread, rather than a stockpile for the week or month or year.

Whatever the merits or demerits of the above statements, God has certainly come through with the timing of this past week.

This week I’m thankful…

…for pain at just the right time
I first noticed the painful bump on the back of my head Thursday evening. By Friday, it had spread almost down to my neck and was causing me a rather significant headache. It just so happened (!) that Daniel and I were going up to Lincoln for a bridal shower my sister was throwing me. I asked Anna about my pain–and we eventually decided that it was lymph node involvement in a wisdom tooth infection. If the infection hadn’t happened just as I was on my way up to where I’d see Anna, I’d have had to have found a new doctor here in Wichita to treat me during my current uninsured period.

…for having a government job
Having a government job means I received Martin Luther King, Jr Day as a paid holiday despite it only being my third week on the job. This allowed Daniel and I to take a quick trip further north to visit my grandparents. It was wonderful to have an opportunity to introduce Daniel to them during an overnight visit rather than having to make do with just a quick introduction at the wedding.

…for daylight to drive in
I drove (Daniel’s stick) part of the way back from my grandparents’ house so that Daniel could read one of the books we’ve been assigned for premarital counseling. The daylight lasted just until we were nearing Wichita, where I didn’t want to drive anyway. This was perfect timing, since it maximized Daniel’s reading time. I didn’t have to pull him away from his book to drive in town–and I didn’t end up doing any driving in the dark either.

…for illness on Nightstand Tuesday
I got a 24 hour GI bug Tuesday morning–not something I’d generally be thankful for. But, in this case, it afforded me a lovely opportunity to get back into blogging and blog reading with one of my favorite ever blogging carnivals.

The timing of this past week has been just impeccable, allowing me to get done what needed to get done without too many complications.

Thank You, Lord, for these, and so many more unexpected blessings.


The Pre-Date

This is the next installment in a rather long series about how Daniel and I met–and have become engaged. Click on the “Our Story” tag for context.

We’d arranged for our first date on Saturday, September 22.

I would go down to Lincoln and stay with my parents. Daniel would come up to Lincoln and stay with his parents.

Daniel would pick me up from my parents’ house and we’d go on our date.

A great plan, all told.

But as the time drew near, we ended up tweaking our plan a bit.

It was maybe the Wednesday or Thursday before our date when Daniel told me that he’d been thinking and had decided that it would be silly for us to SKYPE on Friday night when we’d already be in the same town. Maybe we should just meet for coffee that evening?

I happily agreed, since, by that time, I was starting to wonder how awkward it would be to meet Daniel in person for the first time in my parents’ presence–and to turn around and immediately introduce him to them.

The pre-date was set.

We met at The Mill in Lincoln’s Haymarket. I was just about to the door, and wondering whether he’d already be sitting down or if he’d be somewhere in the “front” of the store or… when I heard my name.

I turned to see Daniel, already my beloved, stand from where he’d been waiting outside.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

We stood and stared at each other a while (I think) before one of us said “This is so strange.”

It was. It was so different. So strange.

To be here, at last, face to face with the man I loved, the man I knew, the man who knew me so intimately.

We’d connected as minds first, as fellow believers, then emotionally. We’d come to be friends, confidantes, boyfriend and girlfriend-all without every having shaken one another’s hand or seen one another in person.

How does one interact in person with one they have never before met but have nonetheless known intimately?

It was all so strange.

And, yes, awkward.

Even though we knew no one was watching us, it felt like everyone had to be aware of the unusual nature of our relationship. Surely everyone had to know.

We chatted inconsequentially as Daniel sipped coffee and I a steamer (maybe?)

We tentatively tried to hold hands across the table. We concluded that this, too, was awkward.

“We’ll learn how to do this” we told each other. “I’m glad I get to learn it with you.”

We continued talking, conversation the same as normal except not at all the same as normal.

We paused frequently to marvel at how different everything was in person–and how the same.

Once our drinks were cold and our eyes drooping, we dropped off our cups in the bus tub and walked back to our cars.

We said goodnight, said goodbye. I got in my car and drove home.

My parents and sisters were still up, in the family room watching a movie.

“How was it?” they asked.

“Good,” I responded. “Awkward, but good.”


Nightstand (January 2013)

Has it really been 4 months since I last posted a Nightstand post?

It has.

In those four months, I’ve become engaged, changed jobs, moved cities, and read practically nothing.

I am not lying.

This past four months, I read:

  • A Place Called Home by Lori Wick
    A re-read. Comfort reading while I was wedding planning and starting to get my possessions into boxes.
  • A Song for Silas by Lori Wick
    Ditto the above.
  • Rocking the Roles by Robert Lewis and William D. Hendricks
    Re-read, this time for premarital counseling before handing the book off to Daniel. He’s almost finished with it now–and we’ll be discussing roles more in our counseling session Wednesday night.
  • The Language of Sex by Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham
    Also read for premarital counseling, although we won’t be discussing this one in our counseling session for a few weeks.
  • A Woman after God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
    Read for personal development.
  • The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute
    A book about resolving conflicts by helping things go right. Have read this in fits and starts.
  • Wordsmithy by Douglas Wilson
    Received for Christmas. I put it on my list when I was still writing (and reading, for that matter). Hoping to resume both sometime in the near future.
  • Scripture
    This has been my only consistent reading over the past four months. It is, as always, straight from the mouth of God. Even if every other book is forgotten, this one demands to be read and reread, meditated on and mulled over, memorized and discussed. It contains the very words of life.

So there we have it. The full extent of my reading over the past four months.

I hope to resume reading at a slightly more rapid rate once I’ve got my stuff settled into Daniel’s house and once we’ve gotten married so I can settle in myself.

So, another two to three months of light reading and then things can pick up again? Maybe?

How did getting married affect your reading life? Did you still read when you were planning your wedding?

Don’t forget to drop by 5 Minutes 4 Books to see what others are reading this month!

What's on Your Nightstand?


Leaving and Cleaving

Almost three weeks ago now, I packed all my earthly possessions into a moving van and left.

When I stop to realize how much I left behind, it’s rather overwhelming.

I left my parents (now a 4 1/2 hour drive away, as opposed to a 1 1/2 hour drive away.)

I left my sister/roommate (who I’ve lived with for 24 of my 27 years.)

I left my house (the spacious House of Dreams.)

I left my church (where I had friendship, accountability, and ministry opportunity.)

I left my work (both in the sense of leaving the physical location/company and in the sense of leaving long-term care.)

I left my friends (the dear friends of all ages who had welcomed me into their lives when I moved to Columbus two years ago.)

When most people talk of “leaving and cleaving”, they mean it metaphorically.

I’m feeling the “leaving” literally.

And here, in this unfamiliar place where I know no one save one, I’m also feeling the “cleaving” pretty literally.

I don’t have my sister or my friends or my parents or my accountability here to talk to when I need to get something off of my chest. I have Daniel.

I don’t have people to hang out with, events to go to, activities to keep me busy. I have Daniel.

I don’t have my Bible Study girls to cry with, I don’t have K/Cathy to give me hugs, I don’t have children from church whose hair I can ruffle. I have Daniel.

Having left nearly everything that characterized my life in Columbus (and even before), I am left cleaving to Daniel.

He is the person I can turn to if I’m stressed, if I’m excited, if I’m bored, if I need something done, if I need a hug. He’s the only one here that I can be completely free around.

Except that I can’t be completely free even with him. Even as I’m experiencing part of the mystery spoken of in Genesis 2:24, there’s a part that is still missing.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

~Genesis 2:24, KJV

I am not Daniel’s wife. I am not and cannot now be one flesh with him.

Even as I find myself clinging to Daniel practically (where do I go to…), intellectually (what do you think about…), emotionally (here’s what I’m feeling today…), socially (yes, I’ll go to small group with you), and even physically, I am acutely aware that our cleaving–our union–is incomplete.

Daniel is my fiancee, not my husband.

As much as I would like to cleave to him physically, that we would be one flesh, I cannot yet do that.

And so I must leave even Daniel.

Every night, I leave Daniel. Sometimes early, sometimes late, but every night, I leave. I go home to my room in the basement of a couple who lives nearby. Sometimes I arrive home with new emotions, new thoughts, new desires that I wish I could still share with Daniel. But I have left. I cannot go back until the next morning. I dress myself for bed and pull the covers over my head.

Having left Daniel, I have now left all.

Only One remains to Whom I can cleave.

So I lay in my bed and pour out my heart, my desire before the King of the Universe.

I lay in bed and pray for grace, grace to endure the 51 days that remain for us between “cleaving” and “one flesh”.


Clumsy of me

Readers of bekahcubed are probably aware that I’m a little…um…quirky (that’s a nice way to say “weird”)–but you may not be aware that I am also clumsy. Quite clumsy.

Usually, this means that I spill things on my shirt, pants, skirts while eating, that I drop things or run into people as I’m walking, or whatever.

Occasionally, it means that as I’m walking to the car after listening to a friend play at a coffee shop, I step off the curb right onto the side of my ankle–sending my face hurtling towards the pavement and my bags into oncoming traffic.

It isn’t the first time I’ve fallen off a curb. I fell off a curb years ago in Jacksonville, Florida, leaving me with a bruised ankle that prevented me from climbing a palm tree or wearing my new high heels–both things I’d intended to do before I left town.

It also isn’t the first time I’ve done a faceplant on pavement. I bear a tiny scar on the underside of my chin from where the pavement outside my friends’ house took it’s ounce of flesh the time I was in a little too much of a hurry to get to my car to go to class.

For that matter, it isn’t the first time something belonging to me has ended up in oncoming traffic. That has happened before too–the time I rode my bicycle headlong into a fire hydrant (which, in my defense, happened to be in the middle of the sidewalk). My bike went sprawling into the parking lot to the north, my body into the street to the south.

So last Thursday’s adventure was pretty much standard fare for me. Just another day in the life of Rebekah Menter.

What made it different was what came next.

My fiancee picked me off the ground and walked me to the car. He took me to his house where he prepared ice for my ankle and a hot soapy washcloth for my scraped up knees. He arranged pillows under my bunged up ankle and gave me ibuprofen when I winced. He brought me blankets when I got cold; and, once I’d removed the ice, loaned me his favorite wool socks to get my feet toasty warm once again.

Then, once I was determined well enough to drive home, he picked me up and carried me out the car–and went back inside to bring out my bags as well.

Clumsy though I may be, I sure managed to end up with a keeper :-)


Thankful Thursday: New

Thankful Thursday bannerThis whole not-blogging thing is a little new to me–the last month has definitely been my longest break for a long time.

But, while my blog wasn’t posting anything new, my life was filled with NEWs.

This week I’m thankful…

…for a new tablet
For Christmas, Daniel gave me a tablet that docks to a keyboard so I can sit, like I am now (Wednesday night), in a coffee shop listening to a friend play and sing while blogging. The tablet also came in handy when I left my phone at Daniel’s house yesterday. I just pulled out my tablet and e-mailed him to inform him that I’d be by in the morning to pick it up.

…for a new home
The Thursday after Christmas, my parents and Daniel and I loaded up a truck and brought all my worldly goods to Wichita, KS. I’m currently setting up home in Daniel’s house (nicknamed Betsy) while living with a middle-aged couple Daniel and I both know. So I’m not quite home in the same sense as I will be in two months when Daniel and I are married and I can settle into the Betsy house–but Wichita is now my new home.

…for a new web host
While finishing up my job, starting a new job, moving to a new town, and having family holidays has certainly contributed to my lack of blogging, that’s not the only reason I haven’t been blogging. My family switched web hosts this last couple of weeks and blogging throughout would have increased the chances that I’d lose data. As it is, the switch has been relatively painless. I’m excited to be using this new host (which is MUCH less poo-ey than our previous host.)

…for a new job
I’m so glad to be a part of the Kansas WIC program. I have quite a bit of training before I’ll start seeing clients, but it’s thrilling to be getting close to living my career dreams–working in the community with women and children.

…for a New Year
I DID NOT complete my 2012 list–didn’t even try. But 2012 managed to exceed my wildest expectations. My paltry list of 2012 things falls far short of the reality that is what God has done in my life. And I have the promise that God, who began a good work in me, will see His work to completion. Which means 2013 can only be better.

…for mercies new every morning
All these “NEW”s have been a little stressful (imagine that!) and I’ve had more than one evening where I’ve fallen asleep in tears or exhausted and overwhelmed. Some nights, I’ve fallen asleep with regrets for what I’ve said or not said, done or not done, thought or not thought. But every morning, God’s mercies are new–and I rejoice in God’s faithfulness.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

Thank You, Lord, for revealing new signs of Your mercy and grace on a daily basis.


My Hiding Place

This is the next installment in a rather long series about how Daniel and I met–and have become engaged. Click on the “Our Story” tag for context.

It wasn’t until after we’d hung up that the doubts swarmed through my head.

Desperate for reassurance, I sent Daniel a text, saying nothing of my current turmoil, but thanking him for listening.

I carried my cell phone from Bunco table to Bunco table as I filled in for a missing player, waiting with increasing anxiety for the text that would ease my doubts, remind me of his love.

The text didn’t come. Daniel had his own activities that night, so I was left with my anxious thoughts.

I spent the evening putting a brave face over my inner struggle, smiling and nodding as my sister exulted in telling her coworkers and friends about my new beau.

Insecure. I felt insecure.

Not because I doubted Daniel’s love. Not even because I doubted that I loved him.

I felt insecure in my own ability to love.

That afternoon, I’d told Daniel about a couple of my past relationships, how I’d been heavily invested in each, how my mind had run on ahead of where the relationship actually was.

In the midst of the conversation, I was fine. I wanted Daniel to know me–my past and my present (and I wanted him to be my future.) I loved that we didn’t conceal anything from one another.

I wanted to share. It was right to share.

It’s just that now, recounting the conversation in my mind, I felt exposed.

How could I even think I could tell Daniel how I felt about him when my feelings had obviously led me astray before?

How did I know that I was not just a flighty thing, in love with being in love?

Now, when this wasn’t like the other times, when the love was mutual, how could I be sure that I wouldn’t let him down? How could I be sure that I actually could love him like I wanted to love him?

I wanted Daniel there beside me, wanted to share my current struggle with him, wanted his reassurance.

I wrote in my journal: “But he isn’t here and my heart is sick and I feel so insecure. Lord, I need You.”

In God’s mercy, Daniel was busy that night. He didn’t see my text until almost midnight.

Daniel not responding forced me into the arms of God–and I am so thankful.

God is my hiding place.

It’s a reality God has reiterated over and over again in the course of my relationship with Daniel.

So many times, I have wanted to run first to Daniel with my struggles, with my sorrows, with my sin. with my excitement. But in God’s great mercy, He has caused many of those things to happen when I couldn’t run directly to Daniel. I was forced to go first to God–and what a wonderful thing that is.

The truth is that Daniel can not bear my burdens. He cannot be my all in all. He cannot be my peace and my security.

I can take joy in Daniel’s love, but it is not his love that saves me. It is God’s love that rescues.

I am learning that once I have hidden myself in God, my sharing with Daniel is so much sweeter, so much greater.

I still share my heart with Daniel-my sorrows, my struggles, my sin–but it is no longer to dump them on him, expecting him to solve things he cannot solve, expecting him to bear burdens he cannot bear. Instead, I share them so that we, together, can cast our shared burdens on the Lord. I share them so that we, together, can go to the throne of grace.

I share them so that we can hide together in Christ.

(By the way, in another testament to the goodness of God–when I have circumvented this and run to Daniel first? Daniel has led me to the perfect place–right back to the throne of grace, right back to the Lover of my Soul. I am so blessed to have a man who loves for me to be hidden in Christ.)


Thankful Thursday: A Wonderful Weekend

Thankful Thursday bannerThis upcoming weekend is a rather momentous one, as it marks my last weekend in Columbus. It’ll no doubt be a flurry of packing and last-minute gift-wrapping and getting-things-to-who-they-belong-to-ing.

Next week will probably be a bittersweet one, saying goodbye to my Sunday School class, to my coworkers, to many of my friends.

But this weekend was a beautiful treat before the last minute busyness.

This week I’m thankful…

…that Daniel made it safely
He’d been busy last week with dead week projects and the usual work and church and volunteering stuff. And then we’d been talking rather too late into the night. I worried that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep and he’d be drowsy on his drive up. But he made it safely up.

…for time to just hang out
We hadn’t really planned anything for the weekend, just planned to spend time together. It was wonderful–making waffles, watching an episode of Downton Abbey, talking while I “bolted” fabric and Daniel worked on some top-secret stuff for my sister, watching The Avengers with Anna.

…for an unplanned visit to Aunt Martha
Anna had Bunco Saturday night, which meant that we needed to find somewhere else to go (since we don’t want to be alone at home late at night)–but since Columbus doesn’t really have any places to just “hang out”, we went up to Norfolk. My aunt recommended a good restaurant and we enjoyed our shared Hawaiian fajitas before dropping by Aunt Martha’s house to visit. Martha was welcoming and we had good conversation until she kicked us out…

…for new experiences
Aunt Martha kicked us out because Daniel was starting to get pretty tired–starting to fall asleep where he was sitting, in fact. We needed to get back. Only problem was, Daniel was quite tired–and we had his car, a manual. So-I learned how to drive a manual (well, enough to get us home). That was interesting.

…for lunch with friends
We had the W’s over for dinner Sunday afternoon. I thawed some Barbecue Brisket and put it in the crockpot, bought some deli salads and chips, and we threw some leaves back in the table. It was lovely to just have an informal at-home dinner with their family.

…for precious tears
Many times throughout the afternoon, the ladies at my Highland Park bridal shower brought me to tears. I was so blessed by their encouraging words. They drenched me with blessings. Whether they were needling me about how my face lights up when I hear Daniel’s name (I can’t help it that I grin whenever they say his name) or telling me how I’ve been able to bless them over the past couple of years (I’m humbled and honored that I could do so) or laughing over where I rank in the desert island list (I didn’t make it), it was a wonderful time.

…for the end of weekends
This next weekend will be our last weekend of long-distance relationship. We will spend the weekend before Christmas together and then I will be moving to Wichita, where I will get to see Daniel regularly (even daily!) God has blessed us with these lovely weekends together, but I am very much looking forward to easing into a routine of everyday togetherness-the casual togetherness of non-long-distance relationships.

God has been gracious in giving us these precious weekends. And He is gracious in bringing them to a close. Thank You, thank You, Lord.


Talking Timelines

This is the next installment in a rather long series about how Daniel and I met–and have become engaged. Click on the “Our Story” tag for context.

It seems I had managed to render my dad speechless twice in the same night. First, when he had wondered if Daniel had already proposed-and now when I told him that, while Daniel had not yet proposed, he had told me he wanted to  marry me.

When Dad recovered his power of speech, he advised me to get to know Daniel’s parents. After all, he said, it is from his parents that Daniel likely gets his idea of what a marriage looks like. It would behoove me to spend time with his family.

I recounted this story to Daniel later that week (yes, I told him everything-no coyness for this girl.)

After hearing my lively tale, Daniel said he might as well tell me what he was thinking of for a timeline.

“I’ve thought maybe we could spend time with each others’ families over the holidays…and then I’d propose in January or February and we’d get married sometime next summer.”

He paused a bit at this point. “You want a big church wedding, I’m guessing?”

“I’ve heard that those take at least six months to plan, so…”

He explained that a summer wedding makes the most sense to him, since his MBA work means he can’t just take off for a honeymoon in the middle of the school year.

He confessed that this timeline was already making him stressed. He felt maybe he was rushing things to be thinking of next summer–but he’d rather not have to wait all the way until summer of 2014.

I tried to reassure him, encouraged him not to stress about the timeline, not to feel rushed. People have gotten married during school for years. I told him we’d find a way to make it work if that’s the way it turned out.

I confessed to God in my journal:

“I love it. I love him. I love the way You’ve made him. And if things go according to his plan, I will rejoice. And if things work differently and we end up having to take just a weekend honeymoon or whatever, I will rejoice, because there will be a lifetime for knowing and loving him. And if we do not marry, I shall be grieved, but I will rejoice in God’s severe mercy in leading us elsewhere.”

I loved him-and very much wanted to marry him-but I did not want to make him an idol. I wanted God’s will even more than I wanted him, so even as I delighted in our continuing closeness, I was conscious to open my hand and offer him back to the Lord.

Whether we’d be married summer of 2013 or sometime in 2014 or not at all, I wanted God’s will to be done.