Everyday Life

Yesterday, I left my brain at church.

Yes, you heard me right. I left my brain at church.

I’d been grading papers in the sanctuary while the Rock Solid kids had their classes in the classrooms. My bag was on the floor, my brain–I mean, my book–was under the chair, and my grading portfolio open on my lap. When I got up to leave, I grabbed my bag off the floor and stuffed my grading portfolio inside. I puzzled a bit as I realized that my pen didn’t belong in my bag. But I couldn’t remember where it did belong.

So I packed my bag away and took off for home.

It wasn’t until almost midnight that I realized what I was missing–my brain. I frantically searched around the room before it became obvious that I’d left my book at the church.

Every impulse within me urged me to race back to the church, to retrieve my book immediately. But I resisted the impulse, figuring that I could live without it for twelve hours.

And I was able to survive–but just barely–until noon today when I was finally free to drive all the way out to church.

Lest you think that I exaggerate my dependence on my book, allow me to share how my book serves as my brain.

• When I wake up, my book contains my morning routines which tell me what to do
• When I’m considering purchasing anything, my book tells me whether I have any money for it in my budget
• When I’m at the grocery store, my book contains coupons and usually my shopping list, helping me shop efficiently within my budget
• When I’m heading somewhere unfamiliar, my book contains a map of Lincoln’s bike trails to direct me to the nearest route
• When I need to sign something, my book contains pens (and pencils)
• When I’m losing sight of what’s important, my book contains my vision statement and goals to keep me on track
• Whether I’m scheduling an appointment or planning my day, my book contains my calendar to make sure I don’t double book and that I’ll make it to everything on time
• When I’m juggling multiple tasks and trying to prioritize, my book contains daily and weekly to do lists that give me the essentials
• When it’s time to get ready for bed, my book contains my evening routines to make sure I’m ready for whatever tomorrow brings
• When I’ve got some extra time, my book reminds me of topics I want to write about or read about–or what websites I want to check out
• When I’m at the library, my book has a list of all the Dewey Decimal classifications, of the sections or authors I’ve already read, of the sections or authors I’m currently working on, and of books that I want to read (generally from recommendations)
• When I’m getting something for my car, my book gives me all my car related specs
• When I’m at the doctor’s office, my book keeps my medical history straight
• When I need to make a phone call, send an e-mail, or drop someone a note, my book contains contact information on all my personal and business contacts.

People have been wont to ask me how I do what I do–as busy as I am. My answer? I keep my brains in my book. I don’t have to remember all those things. I don’t have to juggle it. My book does the juggling for me.

There are just two simple things that allow me to keep my brains in my book.

1. I tell my brain everything I need to know. I write down everything in its appropriate place within my book.
2. My brain tells me everything I need to know. I refer to my book constantly throughout the day.

This is a system that simply works for me–as long as I don’t leave my brain behind anywhere!

As my siblings want to take my car out of town tomorrow, I was forced to FINALLY change my oil. It’s been on my to-do list for an eon, but has not been accomplished, because, well…I’ve never changed my oil before.

Of course, I could take it to Wal-mart to have it done, as I always have in the past. But Wal-mart’s oil changes have become remarkably expensive; and it seems to me that every woman should know how to change her own oil.

So, sometime near the beginning of the summer, I bought myself five quarts of oil and a new oil filter–and I’ve been faithfully writing “change oil” on my weekly to-do list every week since. But I haven’t gotten it done.

After all, if you’ve never changed your own oil before, it’s a daunting process. You have to have someone else to help you (or else remember enough to have a decent grasp on what you’re doing it advance.) Then, if you’re like me, you have to find a way to get all the appropriate tools (my answer? go to my parents’ house.) And there’s the “changing into grubbies” (which I find particularly difficult because I really don’t own anything grubby–honest!)

But I couldn’t let the kiddos take my car to South Dakota for their fancy Christian rock festival when the oil hadn’t been changed in who knows how long. (I haven’t changed it since I bought the car in …was it April?) So, tonight was it. It had to be.

Tonight, after all this long lead-up time, I…

• dressed in my painting pants and a t-shirt I rarely wear (sorry Jeremy!)
• drove my car up onto what I’m choosing to call stilts
• covered my backside with water (it rained today) while trying to locate my oil filter and drain nut.
• borrowed a wrench and some “rags” (aka old undershirts) from my dad
• almost gave myself a hernia trying to loosen the drain nut. (That thing was on TIGHT!)



• watched in wonder as an arc of disgustingly dirty oil spurted from my car
• fumbled with the oil filter wrench a half a dozen times before I got the filter loosened
• dropped the oil filter down my one arm onto the pavement (So sorry for that spill, Dad!)



• fumbled with the oil filter wrench again while replacing the filter



• refilled the oil

It took almost an hour (yeah, I’m a slow learner) and caused my sister’s rolls to raise too high–and got me just a WEE bit messy–but I’ve done it. I’ve changed my oil. I feel like a truly empowered female.

Why I’m more efficient when I’m working from home:

1. I don’t count potty breaks as work time.
2. I can take breaks when my brain takes breaks–and pick up the task again when I’m fresh
3. Don’t have to worry about leaving my water bottle at home and getting dehydrated
4. Access to much needed snacks to boost my brain glucose mid-day
5. Access to my personal reference works (tons nicer than relying on the internet alone)
6. No default home page set to company intranet (how many minutes have I wasted typing in www.google.com?)
7. No phone with an annoying jingle in the cubicle nearby
8. No interruptions by coworkers wanting me to “look through these files”
9. No cubicle-mates who type their letters out loud, including long hisses on every “s”
10. Don’t have to listen as a woman in a nearby cubicle micro-manages her adult children’s lives

Which is why I’m taking every opportunity this week to bring my work home. I log my minutes and make sure I get my time in–but I don’t have to deal with the minor (or major?) disruptions that add stress to my already massively stressful last week.

Senioritis

A quasi-medical condition characterized by lack of motivation. Generally occurs during the final years of high school or college, but has been noted in other situations (for example, in the last weeks of a dietetics internship.)

See Wikipedia’s article on senioritis

Burnout

A psychological (aka quasi-medical) condition characterized by lack of interest and long-term exhaustion. Generally related to long-term work stress, but occasionally brought on by having only three weeks in which to complete a three year project.

See Wikipedia’s article on burnout

Last Week’s Panic

An overwhelming and crippling terror brought on by the realization that one has only one week to finish everything that must be done. Often results in restlessness, lack of of focus, overeating, and hours of wasted time.