Parenting

I’m not a music person like some people are music people.

I’m not musically skilled – I don’t play an instrument or read music. I can’t harmonize unless I’m trying to sing melody while my sisters are singing harmony beside me (in which case I start singing their harmonies – completely ruining the intended effect.)

I’m not a music connoisseur – I never really spent time just listening to music. While my older sister and just-younger-brother would sit on the living room floor under the stereo system reading through the CD inserts or record covers as they listened, I preferred to be dancing around or reading a book or otherwise doing something while music was playing.

Not that I needed (or currently need) music playing. Unlike some, I don’t need music on while I’m studying to help me concentrate. I don’t need music on while I’m working out (oh – that might be because I don’t work out :-P). I don’t need music while I’m driving or doing mundane tasks. I’m content to just be in my own mind (or to be making my own noise.)

Nevertheless, I love music.

I am not musically skilled, but all my siblings play the piano and both my sisters have worked to train their voices. While my mom didn’t play apart from picking out melody lines, she reads music and attempted to teach us some of the rudiments of music theory.

I am not a music connoisseur – but, as I mentioned, some of my siblings are.

I don’t need to have music playing to conduct my daily life – but I spent my growing up years surrounded by music. And I’m so grateful I did.

My parents got a CD player when they were still new and we had a complete collection of the Hosanna worship albums and a large collection of classical music. Music was always playing in our house. We sang and danced and washed dishes and did our schoolwork immersed in music.

And I’m so glad we did.

Today, I have a song for every situation. Singing truth to myself (or hearing truth sung in my head) is oodles more effective as a “relaxer” than any of the fancy relaxation exercises we practiced in our Bradley class. I don’t need to have music playing while I walk because I’ve got a soundtrack playing in my head, spurring me to worship and to pray as I walk. And when I do turn on the music? I am suddenly amongst my faith community – my family worshipping together as we stemmed beans, the church I grew up in singing “Ah Lord God”, the church we went to after that, my church in Columbus.

Music is important – and I’m so glad it was a part of my family’s life while I was growing up.

I’ve long known that I wanted music to be a part of my children’s life. But as an adult, I’ve often been content to let the music in my head be my only soundtrack.

When we were expecting Tirzah Mae, I knew it was time to make a change in my habits. I got a Spotify account, made some playlists of those Hosanna albums and of other songs I love, and started playing them while I went about my daily tasks.

I realized though, that something was missing. One of the most wonderful aspects of music, for me, is the connection it gives me with other worshippers – and I want my children to be connected to the church through music as well. I added another playlist to Spotify, one that I add to weekly. Every week, our church bulletin publishes the titles of the songs we’ll be singing as a congregation. And every week, I save my bulletin until I have a chance to search for each song on Spotify and add it to the “First Free” playlist.

Because music is important.

I have the honor of designing the soundtrack of my children’s childhood – and I want that soundtrack to be for them what mine was to me. I want their soundtrack to inspire them to worship the One True God. I want it to encourage them to plant truth within their hearts. I want it to draw them into fellowship with the body of Christ.

Is music important to you? How have you incorporated music into your life?

… but this time it’s self-imposed.

I woke up for our early morning feeding yesterday with pain and hardness in my right breast. Not particularly surprising considering I’d been sleeping on my right side and we’d gone longer than normal between feedings.

I put Tirzah Mae to the breast and we breastfed for two hours. But instead of feeling better by the time we were done, I was feeling worse. Not only was I exhausted, I’d started shaking uncontrollably and the pain was bad enough that I couldn’t change positions.

By then, there wasn’t a question in my mind. I was sure I had mastitis. But on a Sunday morning, what is one to do?

I hung out on the couch, breastfeeding on the affected side first every two hours and sleeping while Daniel took Tirzah Mae in between.

When I was sure my sister would be home from church, I texted her seeking sympathy. She concurred with my self- diagnosis, offered sympathy, and ordered me to the doctor for antibiotics.

I’d been planning to call first thing Monday morning – the last time we went to urgent care on a Sunday, we waited 4 hours. Neither Tirzah Mae nor I could go that long without breastfeeding – and I didn’t relish exposing Tirzah Mae to a waiting room full of sick people for four hours. I texted and then called my sister to explain my predicament. She agreed that it was a tough one but couldn’t in good conscience recommend anything but that I start antibiotics immediately.

We went to urgent care.

The receptionist asked what I was there for – I confidently told her that I had mastitis. She asked if I’d been diagnosed, and Daniel’s voice beside me answered “self”. He’d come in unbeknownst to me from parking the car. I tried to defend myself – “and by my PA sister”. In my head, I was pleading, “I’m not one of those I-Googled-it self-diagnosers. I know what I’m talking about.” But really, it wasn’t important.

We waited maybe 15 minutes before I was called back for vitals. My temperature was just 99.4 “Great,” I thought, “now they’ll just think it’s a clogged duct. My sister sent me here for antibiotics and they won’t give them to me.” But then I was back in the waiting room.

Daniel read. I held Tirzah Mae. I nursed Tirzah Mae. I tried to relax the legs that were starting to tremble. Tirzah Mae started to fuss. I stood up and she calmed, but then the room started to sway. I asked Daniel to take Tirzah Mae. He did and tried to strike up a conversation – but my energy was completely focused on enduring. Nothing was left for conversation.

After an interminable wait, they called my name. They took me back to the exam room where I waited again. This time, it was only for a short while before the doctor walked in. I gave a brief history, explained apologetically that my temperature had been higher when I’d taken it at home. She brushed aside my explanation – “That temperature was just a point in time – and the hot and cold and shakiness and achiness you’ve described is consistent with fever.” She did a quick exam. “I think you do have mastitis,” she confirmed.

She instructed me to not quit breastfeeding (yay for doctors who follow best practices – there was a time not too long ago where physicians encouraged quitting – or at least pumping and dumping – for mastitis.) She encouraged me to try to empty that breast at each feeding. She gave me the okay to use Tylenol to manage the pain and fever. And she prescribed me an antibiotic.

I put myself on bedrest.

The only time I’ve felt worse is the day before we delivered Tirzah Mae – the day I felt so weak and awful that I gave up on the vaginal delivery I’d dreamed of practically my whole life. Thankfully, the Tylenol has worked wonders (as long as I take it consistently every four hours.)

I’m not going to try to be heroic with this one. I’m going to focus my efforts on getting better. Which means Tirzah Mae and I are staying in bed and breastfeeding frequently. I’m getting out to go to the bathroom, change her diaper, and get food. That’s it.

‘Cause I’m gonna get better, darn it, and I’m going to get better QUICKLY!

You know that old saying about no children, lots of theories, and vice versa?

Well, with one in the hopper but none in hand, I’ve definitely got plenty of theories.

For kicks and giggles, I thought it would be fun to make a list of some of the many things parents take “sides” over – and declare my side.

You know, that way I can look back years from now and shake my head at how naive and idealistic I was back before I had children.

So, without further ado:

The first days:

Delayed cord clamping?
Wait until it’s stopped pulsing

Skin to skin?
One hour minimum right after birth

Vitamin K?
Yep

Eye drops?
Nope

Circumcision?
I don’t think it’s immoral, I probably think it’s on the smart side in our culture with increasing promiscuity (even if your son doesn’t engage in sexual relations outside of marriage, there’s no guarantee his future wife will be a virgin at marriage – and circumcision does reduce transmission of STIs). That said, I’ll defer to my husband’s judgment on that one. I really don’t have any strong opinions on the subject (believe it or not!)

Diapering

Disposable or cloth?
Prefolds with old-fashioned plastic pants (I’m cheap, but I plan to have some newer covers for when my kids are in the church nursery)

Pins or snappies?
Both

Feeding

Breast or bottle?
I hate that question. It should be “breastmilk or formula”, since women can still provide breastmilk in a bottle. But, I intend to breastfeed-that is, provide breastmilk “straight from the tap.” Pumping doesn’t appeal to me and if I’m going to be away from baby I plan on hand expressing and having him fed with a spoon or a cup.

Scheduled feedings or “on demand”?
I prefer to call it “per infant hunger/fullness cues”. I’ll breastfeed baby when she’s hungry and we’ll stop when she’s full. When she starts eating with the family around six months, we’ll work towards more of a schedule.

Vitamin D or no?
I’m deficient, so there’s no way my breastmilk will be sufficient (BTW, even in women with poor nutritional status themselves, breastmilk is generally a complete source of nutrition for a baby – except for Vitamin D.) I’ll be giving drops.

Nursing cover, blanket, or nothing at all?
Nothing at all

Introducing solids?
When baby shows signs of developmental readiness, no sooner than 6 months.

First foods?
Iron fortified infant cereal mixed with breastmilk. Which will be the only “baby foods” I’ll buy. Otherwise, we’ll be going straight to soft table foods mashed with a fork (but still introduced one food at a time with a new food every 3-5 days to watch for potential reactions).

Weaning from the breast?
No sooner than 1 year, probably no later than 2 years

Weaning from the bottle?
If I never use one, I’ll never need to wean from it. My kids can drink from cups

Pacifier?
Not for the first few weeks or until breastfeeding is well established. Beyond that, I probably prefer not but I’m not dogmatic about it.

Potential allergens?
Introduce them along with all the rest of the foods we eat as a family starting at 6 months. If we eat it frequently, we’ll probably be more likely to introduce it “early”. We will hold off on cow’s milk (for drinking) or honey (by itself or in anything) until 1 year.

Sleep

Cosleeping?
Baby in bassinet in our room no longer than 4-6 months. Never in our bed.

Back or front?
Back to sleep saves babies’ lives. Once they’re rolling, though, it makes absolutely no difference.

Nursing to sleep?
Can’t really stop it at the beginning – but once that first tooth emerges, nurse and brush or wipe before bed.

Rocking to sleep?
I’m generally a fan of laying baby down to sleep when he’s awake but showing signs of sleepiness.

Swaddling?
If baby tends to get overstimulated easily. But I don’t intend to rely on it as a regular means of getting baby to sleep.

Sleep training/Crying it out?
Yes, but not for newborns (or really even in the first 4 months or so.)

Miscellany

Babywearing?
Yep. But not all the time. It’s okay for baby to hang out in a crib or on the floor, with or without direct supervision.

Tummy Time?
Any time baby’s not sleeping or being held.

Car seats?
In the car, properly secured, and rear facing as long as possible. Baby will NOT hang out in the car seat outside of the car.

Church nursery?
Probably not until a breastfeeding routine is established, since I’ll want to be near enough to feed on cue – but once baby’s older and a schedule is established? Probably. I’m not opposed to having babies in the service so long as I’m still able to participate in worship with the rest of the congregation.

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Of course, I haven’t covered everything here – far from it. In fact, I chose to focus on the first year and the controversies of that year. I have also not chosen to flesh out my positions on any of these. I’m not really intending to open up a debate here. I recognize that having a child of your own changes all sorts of things – and that different things work for different families. We’ll see what happens when baby comes and theory has to turn to action :-)