bekahcubed

Categories Uncategorized

Singing through life’s trials

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In our preaching through Ephesians, our pastor preached today on the importance of singing from Ephesians 5:15-21.

He spoke of how our singing is directed in two directions: to others (addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs) and to God (singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart.)

Daniel and I discussed the sermon on our way home, and I was reminded of the great grace of God in giving me a husband who sing to me with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. When I’m inconsolable and he doesn’t know what to say, oftentimes, he’ll just begin to sing:

“Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost”

I don’t always appreciate it in the moment. Sometimes I resent his focusing on God when I want him to be focusing on me. But once I stop, I thank God for a man who always sets the glory of God before my eyes–and who sings to me in (heretofore unwitting) obedience to Paul’s teaching.

Just now, I was blessed as I saw Barbara H’s post on new lyrics to “So Send I You.”

Barbara wasn’t physically singing to me, but she was as she recounted the story behind the hymn and how the hymn-writer rewrote her lyrics later in life.

The second verse of the new lyrics brought me such edification:

“So send I you-my strength to know in weakness,
My joy in grief, my perfect peace in pain,
To prove My power, My grace, My promised presence-
So send I you, eternal fruit to gain.”

We must acknowledge that our call involves weakness, grief, and pain. But we are not called to suffering for suffering’s sake. This pain is not the end result. I am sent not simply to be weak, but to know God’s strength in weakness. I am sent not simply to experience grief but to know God’s joy in grief. I am sent not to have pain, but to know God’s peace in pain. Ultimately, my suffering is that I may know Christ and that I may show Christ.

In which case, my suffering is worth it.

May I know Him and show Him still better with every passing day.

And thank you, Barbara, for singing truth today.

Categories Reflections

I am not ALWAYS like this

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Just when it seems like I might be managing better, I crash.

Just when I feel like I’m actually happy some of the time–then I cry for two hours in the morning and barely make it through work and am sad all weekend long when I should be happy and I wake up sad every morning afterward and don’t get anything accomplished at all.

It’s then that I start to think the self-defeating thought that I’ll never get over this, that depression will always be my life, that depression will make me a failure as a wife, as a homemaker, someday as a mother (“Infants of depressed mothers, although competent learners, fail to learn in response to their own mother’s infant-directed speech.” From a reference at ParentingScience.com).

So, just for the record, I’m going to make some notes from today to prove to future self-defeating Rebekah that even when I’m depressed I am not ALWAYS like that.

I do not ALWAYS stay in bed…this morning I got up and took a shower and went to work.

I do not ALWAYS forget to make appointments while the doctor’s office is open…today I called not once but three times during regular business hours to make and reschedule an appointment.

I do not ALWAYS cry between clients at work…today I moved straight from client to client for almost four hours without a single break for crying.

I do not ALWAYS crawl into bed and play sudoku on my phone during lunch break…today I hung some laundry, folded a load, and started a new load.

I do not ALWAYS leave my husband to either make something himself or eat cereal in evenings after tough days at work…today I made him supper before class, even though it’s a Tuesday.

I do not ALWAYS not get up again once I’ve sat down in the evening…tonight I got back up and washed dishes, swept the floor, changed the bedsheets, hung another load of laundry, and put away the rest of the laundry.

I do not ALWAYS let the dishes pile up…today I cleaned all the dishes I made today plus a few extra.

I doubt many days will be as productive as today.

Some days I will stay in bed far longer than I wish I had. Some days I will forget to make a doctor’s appointment during business hours and will have to wait until the next day–and then the next and the next. Some days I will cry between clients at work. Some days I will crawl into bed and play sudoku on my phone during lunch break. Some days I will leave my husband to either make something himself or eat cereal in evenings after tough days at work. Some days I will not get up again once I’ve sat down in the evening. Some days I will let the dishes pile up.

But not ALWAYS.

Instead, another always should fill my heart.

In those days, I must remember that Jesus has promised: “…behold, I am with you ALWAYS, to the end of the age.” (Matt 28:20 ESV)

In those days, I must remember that in Jesus, it is ALWAYS “Yes” and I must utter “Amen” (II Cor 1:19-20 ESV).

In those days, I must remember that in Christ God “ALWAYS leads us
in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere.” (II Cor 2:14 ESV)

In those days, I must remember that Christ, my High Priest, “ALWAYS lives to make intercession for [me].” (Heb 7:25 ESV)

And, in response, I must “rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.” (Phil 4:4 ESV)

Categories Everyday Life

Wondering at Overpasses

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My Grandma lived in Bellevue, Nebraska–home of the gigantic Offutt Air Force base and suburb to Omaha. Omaha-Bellevue was the Big City.

We traveled there at least a half dozen times a year, for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas and for each cluster of birthdays (January, March, July, and October). A couple times a year we’d make the trip from Grandma’s house to Omaha’s famous Henry Dorley Zoo (or Henry Dorky, as we called it.)

The trip between Grandma’s and the Zoo (“Goin’ to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo, Zoo, the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo, Zoo–beeps and bomps and squeaks and squanks” we’d sing) was fast, on one or the other of the interstate highways running through and across and around Omaha.

But every time we came to a certain juncture, where two or three of those massive interstates met, I’d stop my singing and wonder at the “bridges”.

There were dozens of them, it seemed to me, curving and crossing one another. It was a jumble of engineering, one concrete structure arcing above the next. It was strangely exhilarating–and scary, at the same time. Drivers on the bottom road could have not one but three or four different cars atop them. Drivers on the top could look down and see dozens or even hundreds of cars driving their different directions.

It was wonderful.

I thought of the bridges this morning, as I arced across multiple off ramps getting onto Kellogg from I-135 after taking Daniel to work for a 6 am conference call with France.

Will my children wonder at the “bridges” as I did?

Or will they be calloused city-dwellers, inured to the wonders of human engineering, the miracle of layering human upon human driving at inhuman speeds?

Categories Uncategorized

Legalize Hitmen

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Because blogging something is better than blogging nothing, right?

I read this article today and was bowled over:

“Murder for hire is an uncomfortable subject, and I personally could never order a hit. The better course is to avoid unwanted marriage in the first place. Yet this is not a decision that anyone else can make for a woman. It is her marriage; only she can decide when it must end.”

You really should read the rest.

Categories What's on Your Nightstand?

Nightstand (September 2013)

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Thanks to yet another road trip (this time to Lincoln and back) where Daniel did a fair bit of the driving, I have some books to report in on this month. Were it not for that?

I’ve been struggling to keep my head afloat–except for the three days in which I whipped together a birthday party for Bilbo and Frodo Baggins.

8 hours, 20 people, 6 meals, 3 movies.

If I lie in bed for the entire rest of the month, I can still consider it to have been a HIGHLY productive month.

This month, I read:

  • Here I Stand: A Life of Martin Luther by Roland Bainton
    What I liked best about this particular biography is that it is very obviously written by a lover of Reformation theology. Bainton writes so passionately of the miracle of the gospel, of being saved by grace through faith that one can’t help but utter the occasional “Amen” after a particularly swelling paragraph. Whether in a paraphrase of one of Luther’s sermons or simply a description of Luther’s teachings, Bainton wrote so eloquently of the Reformation truths that have changed the world that my heart was moved to worship the One who is the Truth revealed. Also, Luther is hilarious. He’s so…real, so…blunt, so…human. I highly recommend this book.
  • Kneeknock Rise by Natalie Babbit
    A very sweet, quick read. I love that it doesn’t have chapters but instead has very short sections. That made it ideal for reading for bed, since Daniel and I couldn’t play the endless “Just one more chapter” game (in which he starts a new chapter while I’m finishing mine, and then I start a new one while he’s finishing his, ad nauseum.) Egan arrives at Kneeknock Rise to visit his family for the fair–and to hear the moaning of the Megrimum, the monster who dwells at the top of Kneeknock Rise. When his rather superior little cousin dares him to climb the verboten hill, he takes off like a flash–and discovers something he never expected. Read Carrie’s review for a more complete idea of what the book’s about.
  • Love Blooms in Winter by Lori Copeland
    The plot was pretty average as Christian pioneer fiction goes; but this book had the weirdest “conversion” story I’ve ever read. The hero tells of his conversion to…theism. Yes, he realized at some point that there had to be a God. Never once did he mention Christ. In fact, I’m not sure if Christ ever really came into the whole book. Which is rather disappointing.
  • Nothing Daunted by Dorothy Wickenden
    Read for book club last month. About halfway through, it tells the story of two college-educated society women of the 1910s who traveled to the “uncivilized” Western slope of the Rockies to teach school. The first half was hard to get into for me, since I wanted the society-girl-meets-wild-west story and was instead getting society-girls-grow-up-as-society-girls. If I’d been hearing that back-story AFTER I was already invested in the girls from their society-girl-meets-wild-west story, I might have liked it better. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the book overall.
  • 2 children’s picture books, author BRIGGS

On the docket for next month:

  • The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
    I’m leading discussion for the Reading to Know bookclub this month–and boy am I excited to talk about Dorian Gray! Since my early teens, I’ve been fascinated by the general outlines of this story as told by Ravi Zacharias in the radio show my dad listened to every Sunday morning. But despite thinking about reading it every couple of years, I hadn’t actually read it until earlier this year, when I started it to get a jump start on discussion-leading for this fall. Oh my…so…much. Why did I wait so long? This is pretty intense.

    Join us?

Don’t forget to drop by 5 Minutes 4 Books to see what others are reading this month!

What's on Your Nightstand?

Categories Thankful Thursday, Uncategorized

Thankful Thursday: Those who hold up my hands

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Thankful Thursday banner

It isn’t an exaggeration to say that this has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I don’t know that I’ve ever cried so much, for such a sustained amount of time, for no apparent reason.

This depression that has lingered for so long, which came to its breaking point this week, threatens to topple me.

I think of the song

“So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe
If the One who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul, Lord, to You abandoned
All I am is Yours”

My voice breaks with a sob. I cannot stand. It is too much for me.

Instead I sit, like Moses on a rock, while others hold my hands high-helping me to see and to savor the gospel.

This week I’m thankful…

…for Daniel
He has held more than just my arms this week. He held me up quite literally, when I was having persistent dizzy spells on Sunday. He has held me physically and emotionally, as I bawled before and after work each day. He has held me up in prayer, consistently lifting me up to the Father. And he has held Christ’s love before my eyes when I haven’t the strength to lift even my eyes to the Lord.

…for Megan
When I said that it had been a tough day on Tuesday and she commiserated and chatted with me. When she welcomed us into her home for Bible study, with a far better birthday treat for Daniel than I had the power to muster. When she sat beside me and put her arm around me, praying for me.

…for Bev
She listened to my tale of woe. She told me I was okay. She asked me about my time in the Word. She pestered me about seeing a doctor. She praised my resolution to get ten minutes of physical activity each day. She challenged me to look to Christ. She held up my hands and told me that this darkness is not forever, and that God has a purpose when I see no purpose.

…for Ruth
She texted me last night to invite me to a Bible study this evening. I told her she should pick me up so I couldn’t talk myself out of going. When I realized this afternoon that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the night, and messaged her to cry off, she probed deeper. She asked how she could help. She gave me a chance to change my mind. She showed up on my doorstep to make sure I was okay, to give me a hug, to remind me that she was here for me.

…for Shirley
I’m sure Shirley has no idea that she was an agent of grace tonight when I went out for my ten minute walk and she asked me if my husband still had his job. She reminded me of the things I have to be grateful for–that my husband still has his job after the recent rounds of layoffs at his plant, that I have a neighbor who is concerned about us. She reminded me to lift my petitions with thanksgiving, even when the petitions weigh so heavily.

These have, probably unknowingly, been pillars beneath my hands, holding them up to the Lord–effecting victory (however small it seems so far) in the woman below.

“But Moses’ hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.”
~Exodus 17:12 (ESV)

But most of all, I am thankful to my God, who sustains me.

“I give thanks to my God always … because of the grace of God that was given [me] in Christ Jesus, that in every way [I have been] enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge…so that [I am] not lacking in any gift, as [I] wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain [me] to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom [I was] called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
~1 Corinthians 1:4-9 (ESV)

Categories Everyday Life

Fits and Bursts

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It seems I write in fits and bursts, just like I live the rest of my life.

I have a fit of kitchen zeal and my dishes get (almost) caught up, four dozen Runzas are packed away in the freezer, the load of cookie dough Daniel bought from a child is baked, and the fridge abounds with homemade yogurt. Above the fridge, an old Tupperware is full of homemade granola and two Pyrex with roasted chickpea snacks.

A fit of reading (on a trip, usually) has me writing reviews and book notes.

A fit of exercising means I walk to Braums for milk, to a friend’s house to drop off my husband for breakfast (yes, totally unnecessary, since he could have walked or driven himself–but still), to the library to drop off a book and get some more.

And then come the bursts.

I collapse on the couch after work, crying until my husband orders me into the bathtub to relax.

I burst into tears unprovoked and stare unseeingly at the wall, unable to contain my emotion.

I start the day crying and thank God that I have some time charting between clients because I need the moments for more fits of crying.

I just start to feel that things are getting better–that I’m making friends and finding my place. I just start to feel that I’m establishing routines and doing okay. I just start to feel that I’ve figured out how to be a wife and a woman at the same time.

And then the bubble bursts and I’m back in a fit.

I cry and cry.

I can’t see outside the moment, outside the days, the weeks of difficulty.

When does it get easy? I wonder. Will it ever?

When will I get out from under the cloud I’m living in? When will I gain perspective? When will I cease to be at the whim of these fits and bursts?

I despair.

I think I need help.

I tell myself that help is more trouble than it’s worth.

I don’t want to spend money for help. I want to pay down our debt so we can have a baby.

I want to help myself. I check out books from the library. Books on sleeping better, on overcoming depression, on managing the TMD related headaches. I don’t read them because the burst of energy to complete them never comes.

Daniel wants to help me, asks how he can help–but I don’t know how. I wish I did. I wish I knew what caused these fits, these crying jags, this persistent, lingering melancholy. We work our way through what we know, but we know so little.

What am I to do when the thunderstorm breaks and I find myself bawling in my office, unable to see any way out?

Categories WIC

Formula, Apples, and Oranges

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“We had to switch him to Enfamil because he was vomiting up the Similac.”

I clarify. “So he was vomiting on Similac Advance?”

Mom agrees.

“Unfortunately,” I tell her, “we only have a limited selection of formulas we can offer your baby, and that specific formula you’re providing your baby now isn’t one that I can give him. We could try Similac-”

As soon as I say the word, mom visibly starts and begins shaking her head.

I try to push through. “We could try Similac Total Comfort, which is another milk-based formula except that it has some of the proteins broken down so they’re…”

Mom is having none of it. “You can’t give me any Enfamil?”

“Not the type you’re using,” I say. “The only Enfamil product we provide is Enfamil ProSobee, a soy-based formula. That’s going to be different from what you’re using right now because you’re currently using a milk-based formula.”

I never did manage to get it through to mom that the BRAND isn’t the important thing to look at when you’re evaluating formula.

You, dear readers, will listen, won’t you?

When your child seems to be having tolerance issues to a formula, switching brands may help–but the brand isn’t really the issue. The issue–if there’s a formula issue at all (most of my clients wouldn’t believe it, but most of the things people switch formulas over are actually normal parts of infancy and the “improvement” they see once they switch has more to do with baby getting a bit older than with the new formula). Anyway, enough rabbit trails. The issue with the formula is that there’s some ingredient in that particular formula that baby isn’t tolerating.

So, you want to find another formula without that ingredient–except that you don’t know what the ingredient is, so you’re going to be playing a bit of a guessing game.

Almost every formula manufacturer (I’ve used Abbott/Similac and Mead Johnson/Enfamil, the two biggest formula suppliers, for my examples in the following list, but there are other brands of formula available) has at least four or five different varieties of formula*.

  1. Standard milk-based formula
    This formula contains milk proteins (from whey and casein) and milk carbohydrates (lactose). Examples include the aforementioned Similac Advance, as well as Enfamil for Infants. Most babies do well on this type of formula.
  2. Low/No Lactose milk-based formula
    This continues to use milk proteins, but exchanges some or all of the lactose with another sugar. Most of these types of formulas also have other changes (such as adding rice starch or partially or fully breaking down the milk proteins), but one formula (Similac Sensitive for Fussiness and Gas) is virtually identical to the standard milk-based formula except for this change. Infants who have a hard time digesting lactose (which is less common than many parents think) will do better on this type of formula. This type of formula is often used if a child seems unusually bloated or gassy.
  3. Milk-based formula with hydrolyzed proteins
    This type of formula uses milk proteins but breaks them down into smaller pieces, which may be more easily digestible by infants. The proteins may be partially hydrolyzed into small protein fragments (Gerber Good Start does this) or fully hydrolyzed into the component amino acids. Most of the fully hydrolyzed milk-based formulas are also lactose-free. Examples include Enfamil Gentlease and Similac Total Comfort. Hydrolyzed protein formulas are used if a protein allergy or intolerance is suspected, often when an infant experiences constipation.
  4. Soy-based formula
    This type of formula uses soy proteins and a non-lactose form of sugar. Examples include Similac Soy and Enfamil ProSobee. These are used by parents who are vegetarian or when milk-protein allergy or lactose intolerance is suspected.
  5. Formulas for Acid-Reflux
    Maybe you’ve heard the old wive’s tale about adding rice cereal to a bottle to keep baby from spitting up. Maybe you’ve even heard it from a doctor. Like many old wive’s tales, there’s a grain of truth and plenty of risk in following this advice. Added rice starch does seem to reduce acid reflux for many babies. But adding rice cereal to a bottle can pose a choking or aspiration (getting food in lungs) risk and can increase risk of obesity. Choosing a formula specially formulated with added rice starch may help with the reflux while minimizing the risk associated with adding cereal to a bottle. (Please note that there is virtually NO evidence that adding cereal to a bottle will help a baby sleep through the night. All the risks, none of the benefits–DON’T do it!) Examples of these formulas include Enfamil A.R. and Similac Sensitive for Spit Up. Infants with acid-reflux (this is spitting up beyond the normal spit up 0-3 month olds do after every feeding and includes additional symptoms) may benefit from this type of formula.

So, now that you know a little bit about formula, you can educate your friends. If someone is having a problem with their formula, let them know that it doesn’t matter which BRAND they’re using. It matters what KIND they’re using.

Compare apples to apples, people.

*Actually, the big couple have dozens of formulas–but most of the other types of formula NOT noted in the above have changes made to treat specific conditions and should only be used on a doctor’s recommendation.

Categories B3RD, Book Reviews

Book Review: Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes

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Taubes. I’d heard the name before, seen it on Instapundit. He was a low carb guy or a paleo or something like that. I didn’t pay him any attention.

Before Daniel and I met, Daniel heard an interview with Taubes on Russ Roberts’ EconTalk and was impressed. Daniel had been trying to eat lower carb in response; but once I took over the cooking, he just ate whatever I made.

Daniel has never complained about my cooking–in fact, he regularly compliments me (and shows the greater compliment of eating even the leftovers). But every so often, he’ll mention Taubes or comment that I should try making a lower carb version of this or that (My husband also has a rather significant faith in my ability to work wonders in the kitchen.)

So I knew I’d need to read Taubes’ Why We Get Fat eventually. I checked it out from the library while we were still dating, but I didn’t get very far.

See, the first chapter of Why We Get Fat seems designed to (forgive my French) piss off nutrition professionals.

Taubes effectively says: “Nutrition professionals say we get fat because calories in are greater than calories out. That’s not true.” He goes on to give example after example of fat but malnourished people. Problem is, he wasn’t giving enough information to differentiate whether actual energy malnutrition was occurring concurrent with obesity or whether what he was describing was kwashiorkor or other non-energy forms of malnutrition. This frustrated me beyond belief–and I gave up after the first chapter more than once.

It’s this first chapter that led to arguments between Daniel and I. I got really upset about how I felt Taubes was dogging my profession–and upset that he wasn’t giving the sort of information I needed to evaluate his claim. At first, Daniel didn’t really believe me that Taubes was so anti-nutrition professionals–so he was feeling pretty defensive, like I wasn’t giving Taubes a chance. After re-reading the first chapter, Daniel realized I was right about Taubes’ antipathy towards people like me–which didn’t really help the matter. No one wants to be proven wrong in an argument with his wife–and much less so if his wife is on rampage because an author (who you think should be taken seriously) has royally ticked her off. So, yeah….We definitely had to communicate our way through the first chapter because emotion was running pretty high.

Moving on.

The whole first half of the book was dedicating to “debunking” (ineffectively, to my mind) the idea that body fat is a matter of energy balance. This was pretty frustrating to me because energy balance is really just a matter of the 1st law of thermodynamics. We can’t store energy (in the form of fat) that we don’t have. Energy balance isn’t really open for debate.

It seemed to me that Taubes was making a common mistake–assuming that the energy balance equation is how much we eat minus how much we exercise. Yes, these are a big part of the energy balance equation, but calories in and out are actually much more complex, influenced by genetics, hormones, environment, and a host of other variables. Eating and exercise are simply the two most alterable aspects of the energy balance equation–which makes them a prime target for intervention.

So, after 70 pages hating on energy balance, Taubes admits that energy balance is a truism–sort of like survival of the fittest–and that what he’s really trying to say is that some other mechanism is primarily responsible for excess adiposity.

Great, I though, as I read the last few chapters of the first section. You could have just told me that at the beginning so I didn’t have to read all this hateful mumbo-jumbo before I could get to your thesis.

At last, in the second section of the book, Taubes was ready to tell the reader what his hypothesis is for why people become obese (literally, why they develop excess stores of fat tissue vs. lean tissue.)

His hypothesis goes like this: Insulin causes our bodies to preferentially store energy as fat, making it unavailable as fuel. Carbohydrate in the diet increases the amount of circulating insulin, which then increases adiposity (amount of fat tissue). Adipose tissue–and an overabundance of insulin–decreases insulin sensitivity, which means we have higher blood sugars. Higher blood sugars make us produce more insulin, which makes us get even fatter. And the cycle continues.

Taubes argues that this mechanism, in which insulin encourages our bodies to preferentially store energy as fat, means that our body will essential “rob” energy from vital processes (organ functioning as well as ability to use it for physical activity) in order to store it as fat. This means that a person can have inadequate energy for body functions while still storing fat.

This is an interesting and plausible mechanism for the problem of obesity (which is ultimately about excess body fatness rather than about body weight). I would love to see this hypothesis tested.

Unfortunately, Taubes seems intent on alienating the very people who have the knowledge and skills to test his hypothesis. Which means he can continue to sell “why your doctor/dietitian/health professional is wrong” books–but isn’t likely to see any change in public health policy.

My conclusions?

I like Taubes’ hypothesis. Right now, it’s just one theory among many regarding the causes of excess adiposity–but it has some definite merits. I’d love to see it tested.

And…I think Taubes is a jerk.

Just sayin’.

Rating:I can’t decide
Category:Nutrition
Synopsis:Taubes tries to explain why energy balance isn’t responsible for obesity–and what he thinks is responsible
Recommendation: Did you read my review? Okay, then you probably don’t need to read this book. The first half is rubbish, the second a reasonable hypothesis that needs testing. Oh, and I mentioned that the author is a jerk, right?